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 Some observations on the correct conditions for sex 


A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2009 by K. Ferlic, † All Rights Reserved

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Opening thoughts

As stated in the topic, "An awareness about sexuality," when a friend was seen separating from their spouse, a rhetorical question was asked about why there was the need for married individuals to separate relative to a creative endeavor. It is said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, know and it shall be open to you." In this question was an embedded request to understand sex, at least from a creativity perspective, and understand why two individuals would need to separate/divorce in life. The topic "Creative Sexuality" provides the observations made about sexuality and its relationship to our creativity. What is provided here are some conclusion as to what are what seem to be the correct conditions for sex which allow us to hold our creativity sacred of which sexuality is one of the more powerful creative tools we possess.

To many, and for many, the correct conditions are conditions sanctioned by the state, religious or other authorities. But, from a creativity perspective, it has been observed nothing can be farther from the truth. There are correct conditions for sexuality and incorrect conditions for sexuality. The correct conditions have nothing to do with marriage, what society or religions says or anyone else can say. What has been experienced and experienced within individuals looking to release their unlimited creativity is that the correct conditions are unique to the individual. The individual must follow their intuitive guidance, body wisdom, and their own internal compass to create them. Most importantly, the correct conditions also depend on the intention one holds for what they desire to create in their life and with the other individual. The correct conditions can be used to activate and release our charisma and create the energy, a life, for this charisma to go out into the world.

When it comes to sex, there is a belief that centers around the concept of marriage and sex which includes the belief "What God has joined together let no man put asunder." Yet in watching humanity and observing the lives of others, especially all those who have been helped to access and release their unlimited creativity there is both a truth and a falsity in the statement "What God has joined together let no man put asunder." The truth of the matter is, when the joining occurs at the level of the creator/Creator, there is a joining which the human mind cannot put asunder. However, any joining that is not of the creator/Creator can be separated at will. The problem for humanity is that most are not aware of their creative power as a creator and even less aware of how that creative power function through sex. As a result there are things that are joined as a creator between individuals of which they are unaware and then the individuals become confused as to how their life is changed well beyond a simple sex act. Then there are those that think they are joined at the level of the creator/Creator when in fact they are only joined by their mind and what they think and believe.

Another way of saying this is the sex act is about joining and mixing energy. The joining an mixing of energy is the offspring of the sex act. It will always exist whether or not a physical offspring is produced. There is always an energetic offspring that is created. The energetic offspring cannot be undone by the mind as we currently know mind and how our mind functions. Analogously it is like trying to separate the two DNA strands of a living organism without destroying the organism. It cannot be done. However, this energetic joining occurs at a level well beyond what most are aware. Most are not aware of its effects although it affects the lives of the participants. The issue here isnít to avoid sex or become concerned about these energetic effects. Rather it is to realize they exit and create the conditions that whatever is created serves both the individuals.

When the correct conditions for sex are fulfilled, the individuals will burst open with an awareness. Sexuality under the correct conditions will release or awakens, depending on our view, what is within the body. What lies in the body is both an awareness, the awareness within the body, and a consciousness, the body consciousness. Sexuality under the correct conditions will awaken the body consciousness in the fastest way. The awareness that is accessible will burst open with an awareness.

The piece about sexuality that is not understood is that sex stands at the doorway of accessing what is in the body. That is, the body must be very intimately stimulated but the intimacy extends to each and every level of being. To sexually stimulate the body does not do it. To intimately stimulate the body in the way it needs to be stimulated will almost inevitable cause sexuality to arise. This is why massage does not work at releasing this awareness. There are too many conditions around it. This is why paid sexuality will not work. The intention and feel will not be correct to make create a safe and secure space for the awareness to come out. Paid sexuality does not allow the necessary intimacy at any level of being to be developed. The conditions must be such that there is a safe and secure space such that a doorway is created for one to be free to enter intimacy at each and every level of being as necessary. That does not mean any one necessary become intimate at every level of being. Rather the safe and secure space is created such that one is free to return as necessary to a creative state of play at each and every level of being to discover and explore what does and doesnít work to release the pain of the past and allow the creative spirit to freely unfold.

In many ways we can look at the awareness within the body as a seed. Sexuality is the shell that must be penetrated and broken for what is inside to come out. Sexuality under the incorrect conditions keeps what is within the body captive. Sexuality under the correct conditions will release what is within the body and release untold gifts, talents and abilities. It is why the whole concept of the muse arose around artistic/creative endeavors. In the correct conditions the individual will burst open with an awareness. Most important the individual will become a light unto themselves and function extremely will with an internal compass without the need of an external reference other than a point to which ground their energy or focus their creative efforts. But they will not be lead by the external focus. It will simply become a grounding point for their creative energy.

What is provided here are overview observations. What is said here will not necessarily be correct for everyone but in general what is described here has helped allow all involved to be served by the experience.

Correct conditions

The feminine aspect of being, whether the inner feminine or the out feminine, has no desire to serve the masculine. It does desire to nurture her offspring. Hence to have an enthusiasm for whatever we desire to do and passion which does not run dry, we must make the task we desire to do the offspring of the masculine and feminine such that the feminine aspect of being is willing to nurture and sustain the creation.

We create this offspring by allowing the feminine aspect to lead and the feminine is characterized by feeling. If we look at the feeling for each thought, memory, word or deed we can tell if the thought, memory, word or deed serves or does not serve us. We then simply need step into the masculine aspect by choosing to act on the thoughts, memories, words and deeds that serve us and the offspring will be freely nurtured by the feminine aspect of our being. However when we choose otherwise, the feminine will nurture our actions but we will slowly erode its support and deplete our energy. In essence, we rob ourselves of our creative power. We need an enthusiasm for the task at hand. If we are not enthusiastic then there is a trade off. Overtime, we will just not find the energy in one way or another to do what we choose to do. The enthusiasm for any task is obtained when it is supported by the feminine aspect of being. Relative to sexuality, the conditions should be such we are not robbed of our creative powers as a result of sex. That is, whether we are male or female, the feminine aspect of our being must feel the offspring of the relationship is the offspring the feminine desires.

No such thing as casual sex: The basic sex drive arises from primitive parts of the brain to mate and breed. The instinct to mate comes from the hormone testosterone and it is found in both males and females. The neurochemical of romantic love is dopamine which regulates pleasure and focus. When we fall in love with someone dopamine levels in the brain increase. The dopamine then, in turn, triggers the testosterone associated with the sex drive. Hence the dopamine associated with love can lead us to lust and testosterone can mimic feelings of love. Any kind of sexual stimulation drives up not only testosterone associated with the sex drive, it also drives up the dopamine. This can then push one over the threshold of falling in love with someone. So casual sex is not casual. As such, to engage in sex one needs to be aware they may get more than they bargained for. So as not to rob ourselves of our creative power, the recommendation is not to be casual in our sex

Creative power of sex relative to creativity: MRI studies which attempt to map the architecture of human sexuality of the brain have discovered several things. One is areas of the frontal lobes of the brain associated with reward and pleasant feelings become active when the individual is sexually aroused. The omigdula, often become activated and it is one of the decision making of the brain. However, a second finding found that as the individual is sexually aroused other areas of the brain to become less active. There appears to be areas that are related to moral judgment of inhibition become less activated. What this means is as the sex areas of the brain light up, the judgment areas of the brain being to turn off. The more aroused the person, the less access they have to clear judgment. What is seen inappropriate is no longer inhibiting and we move pass certain boundaries. In essence excessive lust has a connection with poor judgment. Too much lust and there is greatly reduced judgment which can become destructive. The issue here is excess and being aware of moving pass the boundaries and becoming obsessive in what is accessed.

In understanding this aspect of sex, sex can be seen to have the ability to take one pass the limits and controls of the mind it become a door way to explore options within the our creative imagination and/or step out of mind. This fact can be used to see and explore options not otherwise possible. Sex ,coupled with the correct mental perception such as that which can be created in a metatheater, can be used to explore options past the normal perception held by the mind.

Attitude during sex: The attitude in which one approaches sexuality and in which they engage in sex is extremely important. What is expressed here may seem idealistic but what is described here should be desired goal. The attitude should be to hold our creativity sacred and that of the other. Sex is the temple act. That is, it our connection with the those creative forces and powers which create life and are sought in temples, churches, synagogues, mosques and any sacred site or place. From the creativity perspective the desire is to hold our creativity sacred. As such, sex should be seen as sacred since it is the second most powerful creative state in which one can engage.

If one does not hold sex sacred as an aspect of their creative power, they will be robbing themselves of their creative power in some way. Since sex is the second most creative state, the power of the intention with which one enters sex with cannot be underestimated. Sex is a life giving power or a life robbing power. It can create life and restore life and can suck the life out of a person. Sex stands as a doorway to the most creative state of being. The most powerful creative state is spontaneous and innocent child ike play to discover and experience life, the other person and oneself at the deepest and in the most intimate ways at all levels of being, including sexuality.

Creative play with another: Creative play with another is about creating with another. The correct conditions of sex is to be free to bask in the energy of another in the most intimate of ways at each and every level of being spontaneously and innocently moving as lead to explore what arises. It is to realize there is an exchange of energy in such situations. If we are consciously open we can see the different in our thinking and our thoughts because of the energy exchange. If we are not open, the exchange still occurs but at a nonconscious level and simply becomes part of our nonconscious programming that will lead our life in unexpected ways

A correct way: What is provided here is the observed correct way if one desires to hold their creativity sacred and not rob themselves of their creative power. One should desire and hold the intention that the creative spirit of the other to become free at all levels of their being as a result of the sex or the sex moves them toward that goal. One should not seek their own pleasure or satisfaction at the expense of the other. Additionally, this intention must be held without desiring to play the part of the hero. Playing the part of the hero is not a correct condition. Rather, we need to wish that the other finds find the deepest fulfillment, especially in their experience of sex and we are honored to be the vehicle for that experience. One of the most beautiful things which can be experienced in life is to experience the creative spirit to be in organism and free to flow in the energy and allow it to flow into the individual at every level of being expanding the awareness of their own truth. Since it is a life giving energy there is often a healing aspect which comes with this energy. To experience this is probably to know of nothing more beautiful than this.

But there is a hazard in this. Such a sexual experience opens one psychically in a way that can allow the individual to remain open. As such, without awareness or a safe and secure space one begins to feel the reality they experience and there is much pain in the world. In this regard, the person with whom we experience sex will need to be loved and cared for as they respond to what they feel for they may experience unexpected pain and/or sadness or both.

Our desire for any other should be that they find that individual who can create that space for the other to be free to be in their passion at every level of their being - spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. Especially the freedom to be in the passion of their body however that passion desires to be expressed. Ideally, the individual in their life is someone who says, "You have given me the most exquisite pleasures and wonderful experiences of life that could ask for and every have. I am so full of life I am bursting forth with what you have caused to happen within me. All I can do is give what you have given me and what is within me to the world and share it with others. If you are so lead and as you are lead give what you have given to me to any other to whom you are lead. I can deny no one what I have found and been given. If you are the vehicle to what I have found, all I can do is share you with others in the way you are lead to share yourself. Please feel free to give to another or others what you have given me. I cannot hold for myself what you have cause to arise within me. All I can do is freely give it to others." If that individual be us, so be it. If it be another, so be it. We ourselves need to be creatively free and like the wind, coming with no attachments and leaving with no attachments. This may be hard to do but it needs to be our objective.

Here enters the issue of marriage and/or becoming a partner with someone. The intent of partnering in any way should be able sharing life with another with no desire and attempt to control the other. Marriage is really a social and/or religious contract for a give time and given place. It has nothing to do whatsoever with our creative spirit and what it incarnated to experience. Partnership is about always working together for some reason. The goal in the sexual relationship should be to hold our creativity and that of the other sacred. Relative to engaging in sex with another, the recommendation is to desire to share life with each other at every level of being. Then if the sexuality evaporates or is unavailable for one reason or another, there is no real disappointment in the relationship for sexuality is only one aspect of life.

We cannot begin to imagine the gift we give to another to desire them to find someone who could make them sexually happy and fulfilled in the deepest ways and that allows them to experience what is truly available in and through sexuality. What is available in such an experience goes well beyond what mind can perceive. The infinity of our being and the infinity of Creation is open in such an experience. However, given the nature of mind, we cannot seek such an experience through sex although it is available in sex. The reason for this is mind will seek to control and it will do whatever it can to remain in control rather than have an experience of the infinite. The focus should only be on the freedom of the other individual and allow whatever unfold to freely unfold.

There was a book written many years ago by John Powell entitled "Why I am Afraid to tell You Who I Am." The answer was if "I tell you how I am and you donít want/accept me for who I am, I have nothing else to give." The correct way is to be willing to become totally intimate at each and every level of being willing to give all that we can to another. Most of us can give more than we expect but it must be called forth. It does not readily come out for our creative spirit is very vulnerable and we learn in childhood to protect ourselves and put our creative spirit in a cage of our own making rather than being free to unfold When it does come out it needs a safe and secure space.

All of us have so much to share and to give. It is hard to focus on what to give. We get lost in the infinity of it all. We all desire to share with that one person who could recognize what is within us and call it forth to be used in a way that could benefit the creative spirit within each individual. What lies at the heart of our being is to create that space of freedom for each and every creative spirit for all arises from the Source of Creation and the Source is unconditional. Or if that canít be done, at least to give the awareness of the need for that space to be created for the creative spirit to come out and freely play. The reason for this is we are that consciousness within, or behind, Creation experiencing its creation.

When it comes to the correct condition for sexuality the primary issue is clarity of intention as to what we and the other desires to create and what we desire to do with the energy brought forth in the experience. Most lack true clarity of intent. Clarity of intention does not only mean being able to state clearly what we want to create, it also means to understand why we want to create what we do. In particular it is also about the feeling we desire to create that goes with the thought. We need to pull the string on what we want and why we want it, especially the feelings we desire to have. More often than not, we think we want something in particular when in reality we are looking for a type and kind of feeling. For example, often individuals think they want a spouse when in realize they want someone with whom to share life or a sex partner. They get married to the person who they think will give them what they desire but then come to find the relationship never fulfills their desires for the spouseís desire are too different than what the individual really wanted.

When we are with someone with whom we can share life, we will find there are things which came out of our meeting that we do not expect. But what comes out allows us to expand into the fullness of our being. We being to see things about ourselves and why we are brought into the life of another and about that other. If one is only looking for sex and the sex is gone for whatever reason, there is no longer a reason to be together.

Establishing the correct conditions

Primary to establishing the correct conditions is to realize our inner world is reflected in the outer. Although any sexual experience is both an inner and outer experience, it is the result of inner choices and the focus of the experience is in the outer experience, especially the pleasures and feeling in the body. What needs to be realized is the correct conditions are not established externally. The correct conditions are established by the inner work we do and then that inner work gets reflected externally. It is not about finding the correct sex partner. The issue is to create the correct conditions for sex within our being and then allow them to be reflected externally.

From a creativity perspective and holding our creativity sacred, the correct conditions for sexuality are those that create the space to create the energy and a life for our truth to thrust out into the world. The correct conditions can be established two ways.

Internally created conditions: The correct internal conditions starts in the individual following their intuitive guidance in a spontaneous and innocent childlike playful way to both create the conditions and act to create something that transcends their ego. Here, the sexuality is a by product of the creative act and sexuality is not pursued for itself, especially not an end unto itself. To do this one must be totally out of their mind and what they think and believe. They must be totally functioning on their internal compass creating something that transcends their ego and their ego would be of the opinion it is impossible to create. Attempting to do the impossible is what destroys the ego for the ego must continually step past its own perceived limits and barriers and their intuitive guidance leads the way to create the seemingly impossible. The only caveat here is what the individual tries to create that transcends the ego should come from what is symbolized the heart and not the mind. That is, what is sought is for the benefit of others. If it is from the mind it will lead to false starts until the mind "burns off" or literally it see itself as the limitation to the freedom of the creative spirit.

Seeking to use the other in any way will thwart the creative spirit of the other which comes out. Rather, we must continually create the space to sustain the free unfoldment of that creative spirit. We cannot and must not let ourselves be enamored by what comes out. To do this we must be prepared to let the desires and wants of the mind and ego die. Additionally, we must first learn to hold the space for ourselves. We cannot give what we do not have. Unless we have first learned to nurture out true needs in the way they need to be nourished, we cannot create the space to nourish the true needs of the other. If individuals learn to access the feminine nurturing creative energy within their being and nurture their own truth, then allow that truth grow within oneself and then to strike out when it become strong enough to live in the world. Then explore their sexuality as lead by their own intuitive guidance within what they choose to create within the truth of their own being and not listening to the truth of others.

If the masculine thrust out into the world under its own truth, but without the inner feminine developed to sustain it, it will burst forth still using the filter of the ego. That ego will have to be shattered. In fact, if you look carefully, many sexual relationship are tremendously challenging to the ego simply because the individual has not learned how to nurture themselves. Without learning how to nurture oneself first, one will not create the correct conditions for sexuality that is freeing. Before one can engage another in the correct way, we will need to learn the lesson of how to sustain a creative spirit. Until one can sustain the space for oneís inner truth to unfold true to itself, it cannot give such a space to another for one cannot because one cannot give what they do not have. They cannot create the space of sexuality that will both be freeing for themselves and another.

What needs to be understood is that if what is described here is followed, one will enter sexuality in a state spontaneous and innocent play, or at least moving toward that type of play. But there will be an off spring of the relationship. It needs to be understood that creation is not freedom To nurture any creation restricts our freedom and the feminine aspect of our being. Any creative endeavor is analogously much like a women becoming pregnant, birthing and raising a child. She is no longer free. She has a child to worry about. So too each sexual relationship. There is an offspring of some type. If the offspring is not desired and not the focus of the relationship, the offspring will become a burden. One will not have the worry and burden of the offspring but there will be baggage that the sexuality causes in oneís life that binds and bounds the creative spirit. However, if the offspring is desired then there will be no restriction on oneís creativity and the creative spirit. The offspring will only become a vehicle to further expand their creativity and their being.

The important point here is that when sexuality is engaged creativity in the correct way, our creative spirit and creativity do not become bound, imprisons or forced to withdraw in any way. There may be the burden of the offspring that restrict our freedom but our creative spirit and creativity is not in any way restricted. However, when sexuality is engaged creatively in the incorrect way, our creative and creative spirit become bound. We are no longer free to express ourselves and we with withdraw a part of our energy from life. How that withdrawal manifests itself is varied and can even result in accident, illness, disease or other misfortune.

Externally created conditions: The other way to establish the correct conditions to engage sexuality and creatively correct is for a knowledgeable person to create the space and hold the individual accountable to their own truth, the truth of their being and true to their nature and feed them the correct nourishment. It is much like the Lion in the story of the Lion Cub in under the topic "The Human Condition as Perceived in the Creativity Perspective."

The knowledgeable individual has learned how to create the space for another to come out to be true to who and what they are. Here the individual, male or female, becomes a more nurturing feminine creative energy that which the individualís inner nurturing feminine energy can supply. Here one creates the safe and secure space, that womb, for another to access their truth and come out to be true to who and what they are. Additionally the knowledgeable individual is able to hold that space long enough until the creative spirit can stand on their own two feet and become a light unto themselves to break away from the past and live totally in their truth. The knowledgeable individual has learned to become a creative shape shifter and become a feminine nurturing creative energy. In essence they have become a rainmaker. It is to become a rainmaker to bring the nourish waters of life, that feminine nurturing creative energy, to the parched inner landscape for the truth of oneís being to grow and unfold. It is to become a midwife to help bring that truth into the world. It is to become a nanny to nurture that truth long enough so that it can go into the world, standing on its own two feet to survive in the world.

What does it mean to move past sexuality in a freeing way or to be totally served by the sexuality? The individual is left with a feeling of grow and expansion that the are growing more into the awareness of their own being as a creator. It is to move into the fullness of being and an expansion of oneís life. To is to be totally served by the sexuality.

What does it mean to be served by an activity in life? It allows free unfoldment of the creative spirit and the associated feelings that the individual knows they are expanding beyond their one limits and barriers. It is much like a tree. As a tree grows, it grows past what it was. So to our being. We are served when what we do allows us to grow past ourselves. If we look carefully, we know when we are being served or not served by something.

What does it mean to be imprisoned? It is the opposite of being served. Anything that causes a restriction in the free expression of our creative spirit and/or causes us to shrink or become less that we are. It is to live in a way that we deny our truth and its free expression. Of course one will have to do the exploration to know oneís truth before they can say whether or not they are being served or imprisoned by anyone, any thing or any activity in which they engage.

There is a note here about being imprisoned. To create anything is to some extent imprison our creative spirit. The question is whether or not our creative spirit is served in the long run by what we create. Sort term the feeling is imprisonment for it is. Long term there is freedom. On can look to the future and see if what is being creating is ultimately feeling.

Spontaneous and innocent childlike play is the most creative state of being. Play is a way that we are free to explore options and explore moving past our own limits and barriers. In the freedom of play we can explore what serves and doesnít serve. That is the key. To know what serves and doesnít serve oneís being before entering sexuality. In many ways this is were society is getting it wrong. We teach child how they need to be in the world but not to understand what serves and doesnít serve their true nature. So, when the child become adolescent and puberty and faced with sexuality they end up entering it without knowing what will really sever their being. By the time they become aware of looking to see what serves them, sexuality has already created enormous baggage.

For a female, it requires stepping into a role that goes well beyond gestating and birthing a child. For many females, because they are fully aware of the burden of nurturing a child, there is the fear that they will be stuck with an unwanted child to nurture. For a male, it requires them to essentially become energetically pregnant and to gestate, birth and nurture a child. Yet, for either a female or male to do this, they have to be able to stand in their own truth and thrust out in the truth of their own being following their internal guidance. It cannot be done from an ego space. If the male or female has not learned to nurture their own truth first, they will become consumed by the process and become trapped in the sexuality that may arise.

The goal in this second way is to create the space such that the inner feminine awakens to nurture the truth of oneís being. It just that the methods uses an external nurturing feminine creative energy (from a male or female) to ignite the inner feminine. The inner feminine is a feeling and a flow of energy. It is to align with what is symbolized in oneís heart. It is what gives an inner happiness that never runs dry. It is what nurtures the life within oneís being and what gives life. That energy need to nurture the truth of oneís being. When nurtured the inner masculine aspect will be awakened and become excited to thrust out into the world, true to itself. The individual becomes a light unto itself. The life creating within the individual that is thrust out into the world is the offspring of the marriage of the inner masculine and the inner feminine.

Summary points

The key correct conditions are (1) to seek the growth and unfoldment of another and (2) to be spontaneous and innocent about what is done.

End point for women: To be free to have orgasmic pleasure how and when they wish and not to be controlled by the masculine.

End point for men: The masculine is not hold or control the feminine women but rather to create the space to become free to express herself in whatever way she feels appropriate. To understand that unconditional love has no boundaries and limits.

Related topics
An awareness in what we feel
Moving past sexuality
A bottom line about sex and our creativity
Sensual experience beyond sex

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