Finding the passion of the heart through feelings of sexuality 

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2009 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

The passion of our heart is about what gives us life and a passion for living. Sexuality is about creating life and it can be used to both awaken the passion of our heart and/or come to understand the passion of our heart through the awareness which lies in what we feel.

Flow of energy

Whether we realize it or not, our bodies are composed of energy in the form of mass. Additionally, our body functions of a result of the flow of energy. All of what we do within our bodies is a function of the energy released in the rearrangement of atoms of the foods we eat and the oxygen we breath. Energy only flows when there is a tension between opposites whether those opposites are the opposite poles of a magnet, the opposite polarity of electrical charges, the opposites which lie in the masculine and feminine. Without a duality of opposites energy does not flow.

We exist in our material form only because of the flow of energy that results from the creative tension between the separation of Creation from the Creator or the observer from the observed. We feel this separation as the longing in our heart to become reunited with our "other" half, our "beloved" whatever form it takes. We experience this separation as life itself and the flow of life. When we are fully within this flow every aspect of our being becomes fully functional and we feel alive in every part of our being. When we deny this flow we literally shutdown parts of our being and certain types and kinds of experiences of life and a part of us dies.

Once we consciously experience being in this flow of energy fully within our being, we will remember the experience because of its exquisite joy and bliss. This experience can be used as a marker to know when we are or are not within the flow of the energy that is sustaining our being. When we are out of mind, that is out side of the judgments and analysis of mind, we are capable of fully experiencing what this flow of energy feels like.

Since we each are unique creations, each of us will experience this flow slightly different and we cannot really compare how we feel it and experience it with the feelings and experiences of another. There are similarities but each is different in what is experienced. We can only step out of mind and experience this flow of energy for ourselves. To fully know and experience our own being, somewhere, sometime, we will have to allow ourselves to experience this state. To know ourselves, we will have to know and experience the passion of our own being.

A natural state

To step out of mind and experience this flow of energy and this passion is a natural state of being as we all have experience it already within our life. However, most of us only experienced it nonconsciously as a very young child before we developed our patterns of what is good, what is bad, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. To experience this flow of energy, we must allow ourselves to be out of thinking and judging mind and consciously just be present to what is and how we are experiencing creation from that perspective.

A typical and common description of this state is simply a state of "Ah" at the wonderment and magic before our eyes and we discover and explores the world we are experiencing. This is the nature state of being we were in as a child. As we became aware of what we feel as a child we became conscious. In our conscious awareness we began to give judgment to what we experience and developed preferences. We can only be in this natural state of being only if we do not deny what we are feeling and experiencing and allow the experience to lead us. It is said we cannot experience the Kingdom of God unless we become like little children. It is living in the innocence of childhood before thinking and judging mind develops that allows us to be in this state of "Ah" and never feel the separation from All That is.

However, before the child becomes aware and have a conscious experience of this state of "Ah" and wonderment, we are already conditioned as to what is acceptable and not acceptable and have felt the pain of living such we have quickly learn to deny and suppress our feelings and the free expression of the creative life energy/creative spirit. Hence, rather than the child growing into a natural state of being with the awareness of the passion within our heart, we have learned to deny our passion to meet the requirements of the world in which we have incarnated.

A child versus an adult

Now there is an extremely interesting problem that arises when as a child we are not allowed to fully experience the passion of our own being freely expressing our creative life energy in an unfettered and unbound fashion in the innocence of childhood. The problem that results is simply a result of the fact that a child’s body is not the same and an adult’s body. There are natural and inherent differences that must be understood. A child’s body is immature and as such, it does not have the developed aspects of sexuality. A fully functional body of a child is not sexual. Sexuality only comes at a later stage in the growth of the body. If as a child we are allowed to fully experience our creative life energy and the passion of this energy before sexuality develops, we will have a very clear and unbiased understanding of what our passion looks like and we will be able to distinguish between the passion of our creative life energy and the passion of our own sexuality for we will have a clear unbiased understanding of our own passion. In the innocence of childhood, we will know what the true joy and bliss of our passion and passion for life looks and feels likes.

To be in this innocent state, we will have to both become conscious of our experience and yet not be in thinking and judging mind. This should be quite easy for us as a child for a child comes with a beginner’s mind. That is, a mind unbiased by previous experience. But, in actuality, it is quite difficult for us as a child because we are always being bombarded by comments as to what is correct and incorrect, acceptable and not acceptable by the world in which we are experiencing. If we do not have the experience of our passion in the innocence of childhood then when we reach adolescence and sexuality begin to develop. Then, after sexuality develops, any time we begin to step into our passion, sexuality will come along with it and the sexuality will be confused with the passion of our being. We will come to think we are being sexual when in fact we are only living and expression the passion of our being.

We can be sexual and not be in the flow of our creative life energy. But we can not fully align with our creative life energy and be in alignment with its flow and not be both passionate and sexual if we have functioning sexual organs. The sexuality is natural and inherent to the process. The journey of the exploration of our inherent creativity has show the experience of sex for the sake of sex and the experience of sexuality that accompanies our creative passion are quite different. Similarly, sexuality that accompanies passion directed at someone the passion has not lead us to and the sexuality that accompanies our passion directed at one who is lead to us by the energy are quite different. What is interesting to note is it often takes years to fully understand what we are experiencing when we are most aligned with our passion. It took quite some time to realize the sexuality was truly following the passion of the energy.

To be fully aligned with the creative life energy within our being and if our body is fully functional, it is only natural and a direct result that the sexual aspect of our being will be fully functional. If we deny those sexual feelings and/or does not allow oneself to act on them, we will be denying the energy itself and not experience the true nature of creative life energy within our being. This is one of the major confusions that has developed around sexuality in ego transformation and fully surrendering to the creative life energy within our being.

Sexuality, beside having the possibility of producing children, causes a very powerful attachment between individuals. From a physical aspect of being, we can’t get much more intimate than two individuals engaged in sexual intercourse. If a spiritual, mental and emotional intimacy is allowed to accompany the physical intimacy a bond develops between the two individuals for there are probably no other individuals in either of the two individual’s lives where there are so many intimate connection. These connections are real and literally bind the two individuals together. Unless we are aware and conscious of the bind and what it means to become intimate, we will be become nonconsciously bound to each other even if in many ways we don’t like each other.

However, to be fully free to flow with the creative life energy within our being, we must be free to go where the energy carries us. As such most individuals cannot have the attachments which develop with sex and still be free to follow the energy. Hence there is the frequent recommendation to remain celibate for sexuality interferes with what individuals call our spiritual grow. But the issue has nothing really to do with sexuality. It has to deal with we becoming attached yet not denying the energy within our being. We can become bound to what we call spiritual things and bind our energy just a well if not stronger than sexuality. Ideal an sexual experience should allow for both individuals to expand toward the blossoming of their being. The dilemma for the human is that to be fully out of mind aligned with our creative life energy and in our passion means that we will feel sexual for sexuality is a part of the human vehicle. Our creative passion will not necessarily be sexual but the sexuality will be a result of the flow of that energy fully within our being. However, to deny the sexual feeling we get is to deny the creative life energy itself and its flow. To act on that sexuality with out full awareness and the ability to remain detached yet fully experiencing the sexual experience will cause us to become bound to the sexuality and most probably another individual which again denies the free flow of the creative life energy. This then takes us back to the need for an experience of childlike state of innocence of childhood to be able to discern the sexuality that accompanies our passion and our focus on sexuality

The experience of innocence

The key to consciously experiencing what the flow of the creative life energy really looks and feels like within our being can only be done in that childlike state of innocent exploration of the universe. If we as a child are permitted to live our creative passion and be our passion before we becomes sexually mature, we will have a knowing of this state of being by direct experience and we will know the bliss and joy it provides without the issue of sexuality. We then can always use that knowing and an internal compass to guide them through life and any situation in life.

However, if we have passed through adolescence, and if we are going to allow our creative life energy to be allowed to flow thought every fiber of our being and we have a functioning body, we will be faced with the issue of sexuality whenever we attempt to live our creative passion. Again this does not mean our passion is sexual it means the sexuality is a result of the passion and the flow of the creative life energy. If we thinks we are in alignment with the flow of our creative life energy and living our creative passion and we don’t feel sexual, the either we are dis-functional sexually or we are not in true alignment with the flow of our creative life energy.

To see the distinction that the sexuality is a result of the creative life energy and that we are not just responding to the sexuality requires mindfulness and awareness of the creative process and to see where our passion is really leading us. If we watch carefully we will see our creative passion actually decreases if we being to focus on the sexuality that comes with the passion. However, if we pursue the object of our creative passion the sexuality returns in a ever present powerful aspect. The degree to which our creative passion fires our sexuality it unique to each individual. It will range in the extremes from great intensity to a minimum excitement. But if we are following the flow of the creative life energy that is sustaining our being, we will fee the urge to propagate that life energy for life itself begets life and of course the urge to propagate life in the human body is through sexuality.

Is it really possible to access our creative passion in childhood
and have it guide us?

One question which can be asked is "Is it really possible to access our creative passion in childhood and have it guide us?" The answer is actually yes. Above it is stated there is the need for us to access our creative passion and learn to follow our internal compass. Although the child’s mind will not have the necessary life experiences to adequately characterize what it feels and what it needs to do to ensure it remains in alignment with that feeling, it can learn to feel when they are drifting off course. The child can be taught to look to see what causes them to feel passionate about life.

Although the author was never taught to do such a thing, what is described here is basically the process he followed and experienced in life. As a child he allows the feeling of wonderment and "Ah" to guide him though much of his life. The interesting thing was he never fully realized what was guiding him. He just intuitively knew to follow it. As the author reflects on his life and following that internal feeling, about the only time he did not follow it was when duty and obligation took over. That is, when he has to act because of the expectations of his family, his society or the job in which we was employed. Yet he was always aware he was going against his preference. The more he got off course because of duty and obligation, the more pain he felt. If he was unable to make the changes and stay, he would look for a way to leave and go do something else.

If he were asked what guided him in life, he would say that he looked to the joy of play and doing what he considered playful even in the work environment. When doing what he considered playful there was a certain type and kind of feeling he would get. He just did what he could to optimize that feeling. When work was no longer playful, he would go do something else. What guided him all his life was the same feeling he has as a child before sexuality came into his life. When sexuality came into his life he was able to observe when sex did or did not put him on course.

What the author did observe is that as he had more and more life experiences, he began to better understand exactly what type and kind of work and type and kind of activities that gave him that playful feeling. So there is no doubt a child can learn to follow their heart and the feeling which give them a passion for life well before adolescence. It is just that their mind will not be able to characterize what is the best activities they should pursue. Rather, they will have to rely on the feeling.

A gentle transformation

Observations in the journey of the exploration of our inherent creativity revealed if we desire to transform ourselves and align with the intention for our life and to flow in the direction where our creative life energy flows, there is a relatively and simply way. The simply way is use our passion that comes from our creative life energy as our internal compass and allow that to guide us where we need to be. It does not matter if we do does not have a good calibration point from our childhood or even in our life. We use the best we have and then iterate the process as we experience more and more fulfilling experiences.

Getting calibrated as an adult

To be able to navigate in any situation that arises in our life, we need to have a very clear knowledge as to what being in the flow of our own creative life energy feels like. Then in any situation, and for any choice we need to make, we can simply go back to that feeling of what it felt like to be in the flow and make our decision or chose a direction that takes them as close as possible to that feeling. Now the issue is to allow ourselves to have a clear conscious experience of that energy. To do that, we need to be out of mind in the innocence of child like play freely allowing ourselves to flow with the energy following it to lead wherever it may lead. To spend some time allowing it to lead is of vital importance because we must learn to experience both what it feels like to be out of the flow and in the flow.

It is to be noted that when we enter a state of child like play, all the issue from our childhood that originally shut them down arise. Also, since we are an adult, to attempt to have a fully experience of our creative passion, we will need to be prepared to both face and act on our sexuality yet not get lost in that sexuality. In that process we can learn to distinguish the difference between the pull of sexuality and the pull of our passion that may have a sexual aspect. This is what the ancient Tantric practices tried to get individuals to understand when we say transmute our sexuality and transcend it. What needs to be understood is that in a totally functional body, the sexuality will not go away but the way the energy within our being is leading will not be into sexuality but the sexuality accompanies it. The more we embrace life and feel alive with life, the more sexual you will also feel.

Finding a suitable partner

The fact that alignment with our creative life energy is going to have a sexual aspect brings up the aspect of how do we act on our sexuality and not become trapped in sexuality, and in particular what control do we have over the energy and how do we find a partner to deal with the energy. To align with our creative life energy means that we surrender totally to the energy. That means the energy itself will direct us to a partner and if no such partner is found the energy needs to build for there is another type of transformation that needs to occur.

The sexuality that arises from alignment with our creative life energy is transformative. If a partner is provide both partners can expect to be transformed and a new life created. If there is no partner, then the energy need to build to allow threshold transformation to occur within us. What is interesting to note is that if the universe needs us to be celibate to allow your sexuality to build to transform an aspect of our being, we will be celibate. We need not practice celibacy to transform ourselves. When the time comes, we will have not much choice in the matter.

In regard to the transformative properties of the creative life energy, there are two aspects that need to be understood. One is we are the building of the energy to some threshold to allow a transformation to occur. The second is that the creative life energy is creative and the sexuality is really a merging of energy into a new life or energy form much the way two strands of DNA are combined in reproduction producing an entirely new being, a combination of both parents. The creative life energy of the universe is non-possessive and non-exclusive. It cannot be own or held. Like the light from the sun or the rain from the sky they fall on all alike. There is no preferential treatment. We may capture the rain after it falls in a dam after it falls or utilize the sunlight in a similar way, but they fall on all alike.

However, much like the rain, what falls does not always fall on the same parts of the ground all the time. The creative life energy of the universe shifts is pattern. If we are aligned with our creative life energy, the sexuality that comes with the energy is directed in alignment with that energy and not based on the preferences of mind. The energy itself will determine who should be the beneficiary of our sexually and depending on the type of transformation there may be an individual brought into our life or the universe may not supply any relief.

The fact that the energy itself determines to whom our sexuality is directed is similar to the concept of falling in love in that there is not necessarily any rational reason why we are pulled to a given individual. But, it is much more subtle than the way we think of love To fall in love with an individual without being in the passion of our creative life energy is a produce of our mind and the desires it has. In following the passion of our heart, the person we are drawn to with is because there is going to be a transformation process for both us and them and the sexuality is only a tool for that transformation. Here is where the discernment between surrendering to our creative life energy or surrendering to the sexuality becomes important. If we fear our sexuality will not be satisfied or we think we need to hold or "own" an individual in any way then we are surrendering to the sexuality and trying to pursue the sexuality. If however, we surrender to the creative life energy itself, we will remain unattached yet very much present and able to shift as the energy shifts within us.

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