Sex as a weapon of control and manipulation

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2008 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

 Sex as a weapon of control and manipulation
The bottom line on sexual manipulation and control
Background
Origins of the ability to control and manipulate with sex
Some ways sex is used for control and manipulation
Individual manipulation and control

Although most are unaware, probably the most prevalent way sex is used is that it is used as a weapon of control and manipulation more often than not at a nonconscious level. Many individuals may feel that they would never attempt to use sex for manipulation and control. But if one looks carefully, most social customs around sex use sex as a way of controlling the member of its population. In fact, if we look carefully, we will see it is probably used socially more often as a weapon of control and manipulation than it is used to procreate children. There is no judgment or criticism meant in this statement. Rather, it is about looking carefully how the creative power of sexuality is controlled and/or manipulated by people individually and collectively. Given the creative power in sexuality it is only nature that society would desire to use it for its own ends.

The depth and breadth of how sex us used as a weapon of control and manipulation is tremendously vast and can be done at two levels - the individual level and the social level. Additionally, it can be uses as a weapon of manipulation and control overtly or covertly, consciously or nonconsciously. There are a tremendous number of ways in which sex can be used as a weapon of control and manipulation. This discussion can only serve to bring the focus of our attention and awareness as to the existence of this issue. We each will need to explore our own life to see how it has been or is being used on us, and how we have or are using it to get what we desire.

Although there permutations and combinations of ways that sex can be used for manipulation and control is extremely vast, what needs to be said and understood can be condenses into a few simply statements. The following few statements will provide you with the clearest indication as to whether or not sex is being used in some way to manipulate and control in the situation you face.

The key to understanding sex as a weapon of manipulation and control is to understand and look at the freedom of the creative spirit of both individuals. Not one or the other but both. The bottom line is whether or not the creative spirit of each individual experiences greater freedom and an expansion as a result of the sexual interaction and/or what we think and believe about sex. Or, does the sexual interaction and/or what we think and believe in some way cause us to shrink, withdraw from engaging life, and/or somehow become less because of the sexual interaction and/or what we think and believe about sex. Alternatively said, does the sexual experience and what we think and believe about sex hold the creativity of both individual’s sacred and allow for and expansion of each into the fullness of being.

Whenever sex is being used in a way that causes the creative spirit of oneself or another to shrink and/or withdraw from engaging in life is most probably an excellent indicator that sex is being used consciously or nonconsciously as a weapon of control and/or manipulation.

It does need to be noted here that the word sex as used here is not just about physical intimacy. It includes what we think and believe about the masculine and feminine and what it means to be a male and female. It also includes, how what we believe is influencing our thinking and how we approach life and our relationships.

It is probably very clear and obvious that sex is a very strong drive in human beings. The strength of the drive may change over life, but it is nevertheless present in most individual throughout most of our life. Additionally, the experiences we have around sex early in life (not engaging in sex but just being exposed to actions, thinking or beliefs about sex) have a tremendous influence on how we use it and respond to it in our life. Because it is such a strong influence throughout our life there are many ways that it can be used to influence, manipulate and/or control.

Sex is ultimately a tool. It can be used for procreation, recreation, creation, awakening and transformation, going to sleep and becoming unaware, and as weapon of control and manipulation. Unless we understand and work with the flow of energy behind sexuality the sexuality we feel, we will not see how to effectively to use it as a tool other than for control and manipulation which is the way it is most currently used it and the way most are nonconsciously taught to use it.

The essence of sexuality as a weapon of control and manipulation is that the masculine and feminine aspects of being and the masculine and feminine aspects of the creative process each have a natural "draw" or pull for each other within their essence. Control and manipulation begins when mind steps in and uses this natural draw in some way to achieve its ends. As a tool of control and manipulation, sexual favors are suggested or given only as an enticement to get what an individual wants of the other. They are use to get an individual to give what the other desires.

As the second most creative state sex is a very powerful two edge sword that can be seen as the metaphysical equivalent of nuclear energy. It can be used constructively or destructively. The space can be created such that the sexual experience is used as a vehicle to allow an individual to expand into the fullness of being, find and access their own truth, become aware of the awareness which lies in feeling, and move into the depth and breadth of their own inherent creativity.

Destructively, the depth and breadth of how sex is used as a weapon of control and manipulation is tremendously vast. The simplest way to understand the effects of it destructive use is that what it can cause spans a spectrum. It spans the spectrum from the free expression of our creative spirit to it becoming thwarted in its express to the point that is can essentially shrivel up and die. The different between manipulation and control is really only of degree.

To understand how sex can be used as a weapon of control and manipulation, we need to remember how creation occurs. Consciousness separates into an observer and an observe within a context of observation. In this separation there is the desire. The desire is reflected in the longing within each part to reunite into wholeness. It is the natural ebb and flow of the creative cycle. To resist this longing and/or to deny the desire in any way forces creation to remain in the form in which it was created. When we hold to the existing creation with our attachment, we do not allow the unfettered ebb and flow of Creation. Rather we create the illusion with our attachments that there is a created form that is real and does not dissolve back into no-thing-ness. Release the attachment and the form dissolves and the energy flows back to the Source.

To act partially on the desire does not allow for the complete annihilation of the creation and dissipation of the energy allowing us to move back into free flow of energy. In dong so we experience the and oneness and find that Heaven or Nirvana here and now. Only a complete surrender to the flow of energy created by the longing within will we reunite the observer and the observed in oneness. Whether one is male or female, it is the masculine aspect of being that chooses to act on the desire and thrusts itself into the merging process. The feminine aspect of one’s being, in turn needs to surrender to the desire for it will nourish and sustain the new creation.

However, the masculine cannot thrust if there are attachments that holds the existing creation or if the masculine has been somehow castrated and unable to thrust outward. Similarly, if the feminine is attached to the existing creation in some way and/or she feels that she is not in a safe and secure space and adequately protected space to give herself to nourish and sustain the new creation, the feminine cannot fully surrender and sacrifice herself to a new creation as required by the creation process. If the feminine perceives itself to be unsafe, it cannot act and if it does act, it will do so only to the limit that it feels safe. If the masculine cannot fully thrust itself into the feminine for whatever reason, the necessary annihilation cannot occur to release the bound energy to become free from the existing creation. If the feminine is unwilling to move and flow in response to the thrust, the masculine cannot move, the masculine cannot act.

It is these inherent roles of the masculine and feminine aspects of being and the need for the energy between the masculine and feminine to flow freely that become the basis of control and manipulation. Quite simply, the masculine and/or feminine aspect of our being is enticed in some way to attach itself as a result of the conscious or nonconscious intentional actions of another.

The masculine aspect of our being must be willing to give up all attachments and surrender totally to the longing within its being if it is going to return to oneness. Whatever cannot be released will limit the return and one can move only to the extent they are free of attachments. The mind is what determines what attachments exists and how far the masculine can surrender to the longing within. It is a simply matter to get mind to think a particular action, object or individual will give them the freedom and feelings it desires. Mind only needs to believe something external to itself will satisfy what needs to come from within to become attached.

If mind does not get what it believes should be giving what it desire externally, it will still will remain rigidly fixed and attached externally believing it is not doing what it should be doing correctly. It will continue looking to "do it right" to get what it desires to have. Mind will tend to exhaust all possibilities before it believes what it is attempting to doing is not correct.

Similarly, the feminine, in turn, will only move to the extent it feels safe and secure and will limit the thrust of the masculine only to the level of her own freedom and/or feeling of security. If the masculine can fully let go off all control and the feminine feels totally safe, she will return to oneness and a new creation will emerge. It is tremendously easy for the masculine to control the feminine by creating a space such that the feminine aspect feels safe and secure. When the feminine moves into that space, the masculine simply manipulates what cause the feminine to feel safe to control it such that the masculine get what it desires. The masculine, through the mind, controls the feminine aspect to use it for its purposes.

The feminine, in turn, can control the masculine by choosing what it will need to feel safe. It doesn’t matter if what the feminine choose really makes it feel safe or is only what it tells the masculine. What is important here is that the feminine determines under what conditions it will move. Until the masculine gives the feminine what it needs, it does not allow the masculine to act. In this regard, the feminine is really more powerful than the masculine for the feminine is what draws the masculine out and provides it the freedom of movement. It needs to be remembered, the feminine is what nurtures a creation. Without the feminine to nurture a creation, the creation will cease. Hence the masculine needs the feminine to get what it desires.

What needs to be noted here is that is that this discussion is generic to the masculine and the feminine aspects of being and applies equally well to the inner masculine and inner feminine. Additionally both the male and female each have a masculine aspect and a feminine aspect and an inner masculine and inner feminine. The male can act in a masculine or feminine way and a female can act in a masculine or feminine way. Similarly the inner masculine may be the element exerting control over the inner feminine or it may be the inner feminine exerting control over the inner masculine.

The most powerful way for an external individual to control and manipulate another through sexuality is to create a mental programming for an individual where the inner masculine controls the inner feminine or the inner feminine controls the inner masculine In either of these two cases, the individual will never realize that the external person is the one ultimately controlling for they will be facing an ongoing inner struggle and never realize the cause lies external as a result of what mind has come to think and believe.

The problem with using sex as a weapon of manipulation and control is that neither the masculine or the feminine "wins" that sexual control. It is only when the masculine and the feminine can each be totally true to who and what they are and then join with its opposite who is similarly free to be who and what they are will balance and harmony be obtained and a space of oneness established. This occurs both internally within the individual and externally with another. Until then, the masculine or feminine giving into the other will damage both themselves and the other. The one attempting to control the other will only further move themselves into separation and create a sense of lack and unfulfillment within one’s being.

Conscious use of sexuality for control and manipulation: The conscious use of sexuality as a weapon and control is to be aware that an individual or individuals desire a sexual experience for whatever reason. Then to use that desire to control and manipulate the individual to do particular types and kinds of actions. All mature humans will have a desire to procreate to some degree. Societies and families exert tremendous control over their members by determining who can procreate with whom and when and under what conditions.

Anyone who can control with whom another procreates has tremendous power over the individual. It needs to be realized the desire to procreate goes to the essence of our human life and what it means to be a human being. To continue the species there is a natural drive that arise to procreate. To control that drive is to get control over the essence of the individual. It is only nature that there will be rebellion when another attempts to exert this control. The way around this rebellion is to get sufficient control over the individual before they sexually mature and/or establish a sufficient programming and/or pattern of habits before sexual maturity that keeps the basic instinct to procreate under control of the programmed mind.

Nonconscious use of sexuality for control and manipulation: Nonconscious use of sexuality for control and manipulation is really about programming and what we think and believe about sex. What we believe about sex will determine how we chose or do not choose to engage in sex. The permutations and variations of how what we think and believe about sex influences how we do or do not act in the realm of sexuality is tremendously vast. But how we act based on what we believe about sex is not limited to physical sexual interaction. It includes how we response to members of the opposite or the same sex and many aspect of our spiritual, mental and emotional life. For example, what we believe about the masculine and feminine aspects of creation are greatly influenced by what we believe about the male and female. Similarly, how we respond to, and what we think about, God is greatly determined by whether or not we perceive God to be male, female or neither male or female.

The most powerful nonconscious use of sex is to get the individual to believe some standard and/or criteria as to what the perfect or idea mate looks like. That image or concept can be dangled before the individual through out their life and they will never realized what is enticing them to act. One can be in a very fulfilling sexual relationship. But when this ideal mate is passed in front of them, they feel driven to seek it at the expense of their current relationship thinking they will get something better than what they now have.

To begin to understand the depth and breadth of our nonconscious use of sexuality relative to control and manipulation, the recommendation is to pull the string in two key areas. One is why think the way we do about sex, what it means to be male and what it means to be female. The other is to observe carefully how we response when issue related to sexuality arise. The issues can be as simply as how we respond to a male clerk or a female clerk and whether there is a difference in our response. Or, the issues can be more straight forward in observing how we response when someone brings up a sexuality related topic in a small group. Quite simply sex sells and probably has been used and will be used in whatever way the seller can get away with.

Low level control and manipulation - enticement: Sex can be used as a tool for enticement. As a tool for enticement, one never enters a sexual relationship or is involved in any sexual act. Rather, the suggestion of a sexual reward of some type is all that is used is used to entice us to do and/or act in some particular. Enticement in this manner can be a very powerful motivator. Sexuality as a tool of enticement can use sex to suggest we can, or will, obtain particular abilities, objects, attract individuals and the like. The traditional concept of "Winning the affection of a fair maiden" through some type and kind of fete are enticements. The need to accumulate a certain level of wealth before being allowed to marry would is an enticement. An advertisement portraying a man surrounded by socially recognized beautiful women after buying a particular product is an enticement.

Social manipulation and control: As said in the introductory paragraphs to this topic, the key to understanding sex as a weapon of manipulation and control is to understand and look at the freedom of the creative spirit of both individuals. In talking about the social manipulation and control of individuals through sex, it needs to be understood, some will consider these comments very negative if not judgmentally condemning. The reason for this is many existing socially sanctioned relationships do not allow either or both of the individual in those relationship to feel freedom. Many feel their creative spirit constrained if not stifled. There are no judgments on what is done or why. The intent here is to bring our awareness as to what is being done. It is up to the individual to decide what they need to do for their creative spirit.

From a creativity perspective and holding our creativity sacred any act, rule, law, requirement or the like in its creation that intentionally directs the creative spirit of any individual other than into its free expression is an attempt to control and manipulate the creative spirit. Within this statement one will find that many of the social customs and rules around sex and sexuality are an attempt to control, direct and manipulate the creative spirit of the individuals within it society for the interest of society.

At one level, there is nothing wrong with this. We all need others to survive in the world we have created. To live by oneself with nothing created by another where everything needs to be done by oneself is very difficult. Societies, in general, allow for a much better life for individuals than if they had to go it alone. But there is a crossover point. There is a point where the social interest are at the expense of the individual and there is a point where the interests of the individual are at the expense of the social structure. All families and societies struggle with this issue.

As stated above, the bottom line with any sexual interaction and/or what we think and believe about sex is whether or not the creative spirit experiences greater freedom and an expansion as a result of the sexual interaction and what we think and believe or does it in some way shrink and withdraw from engaging life. Alternatively said, does the sexual experience and what we think and believe about sex hold both individual’s creativity sacred and allow for and expansion into the fullness of our being.

Relative to this criteria, many social rules are used to castrate the inner masculine of both males and females. In doing so, the individual becomes internally docile, creatively impotent and easily follows an external authority. The inner drive which arises from the inner masculine is gone. The inner feminine is then lead to nourish whatever the external author tells it to nourish even when it is at the expense of the individual. Once the programming that castrates the inner masculine takes root in the mind, the individual remains under the control of an external authority their whole life. Although the potency and fertility of the inner masculine can be resurrected, it is very difficulty to do alone. More often than not a powerful feminine presence (not female, but feminine presence) is needed to awakening and resurrect and excite the castrated inner masculine.

The challenge is to be able to live in any given society yet not compromise our own creativity. In many ways it is analogous to the dance between heart and mind. There is what society wants and expects of us and then there is what we need to do have the experiences we incarnated to have. Each of us need to learn to dance in the society we find ourselves in such a way we give society what it wants from us yet not compromise what we need to do and become.

Individual manipulation and control is about what we want as opposed to giving the individual what they need to be free to grow and unfold. Many generalities can be made about what man wants and what a women wants. We can study creation to see what it the masculine aspect of creation really needs and how it performs and what the feminine aspect of creation needs and how it performs. But, regardless of all that can be said, the issue is, "Does what we think and believe about sex and how we allow ourselves to response to life allow us and any other to grow and expand into the fullness of who and what we are or do we stifle ourselves and/or the other?"

It really doesn’t matter what we think and believe and how we choose to act or not act relative to sex and sexuality. The issues is do we or do we not create freedom for both our creative spirit and that of the other. To allow the other to grow and unfold at our expense is control and manipulate in some way. To allow ourselves to grow and unfold at the expense of the other is control and manipulation. Only when both ourselves and the other are free to unfold have we removed control and manipulation. Here we need to pull the string on why we do what we do and be very honest to see if we are creating a space of growth or captivity.

Related topics
Sexuality as a tool to become unaware and going to sleep
Sex as a tool for destroying life
A bottom line about sex and our creativity
Sensual experience beyond sex

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