Sexuality as a tool for transformation 

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2009 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

Sexuality is transformative. Sexuality is capable of helping us reconstitute our creative power and can put us in closer contact with the Source of our being. The reason for this is when we are intimately involved with another human being, we are close to the Source of our being. The reason for this is that other person is another part of ourselves and only a reflection of our own inner journey and desire to find the Divine within and reunite with the Source of our being. By becoming more intimate with them, we become more intimate with the both ourselves and the way the Source expresses Itself. Additionally, in merging with another, a part of each is annihilated and that annihilated energy carries us to the Source of Creation for it is the Source of Creation. How large and profound an experience of the Source we have depends on how much we allow ourselves to be annihilated. The greater freedom we have to annihilate yourself and flow with the energy that is released, the greater the experience of the Source you will have and the greater transformation which is possible.

Most do wish to engage in sex in some way because it is so inherent to our being and can be so enjoyable. Sex and our sexuality can take us to other realms or it call allows us to merge deeper with another on all levels. It can allow us to fly to the edge and past our limits and boundaries. However, most want to be at the threshold and not move past what they know and understand so the transformative power of sex are never experienced. All our choices need to be respected but in not allowing ourselves to flying to the edge does not allow us to see what is possible let alone cross over and experience what is possible. A great service is done for us which we need to be thankful when someone holds a safe and secure space for us to go to edge of our being and beyond.

The basis process for using sexuality for awareness, awakening, enlightenment, and transformation is essentially the same and discussed in the topic, "Basic process for awareness, awakening, enlightenment and transformation through sex." When we realize sex can be used to become mindful and aware, a tool for awakening and a tool for enlightenment, it is a simple step to combine these three and use it to transform any aspect of our life. The way to use sexuality as a tool for awakening, as a tool for enlightenment and a tool for transformation all start with the same basic approach. It is only the application of what is found in different. What is achieved is determined by how we have focused our attention and awareness on what arises in sexuality. The basic approach we need to take if we intend to use sexuality as a tool is discussed in the topic, "Sex, the basic approach."

Awakening is about becoming aware. Becoming aware is about seeing the relationships between what we experience. It is to begin to see the cause effect relationship and the resulting cause effect chain. Understand that of which we are aware and how to use to which we have awaken is about being enlightened. Acting to use the enlightenment we access is about becoming a conscious creator.

Enlightenment and transformation are very related and the best way to compare to two is to realize enlightenment is about having an intellectual understanding of Creation. Transformation is about gaining an experiential knowledge of Creation by becoming a conscious creator of Creation with the enlightenment we acquire. It can be said enlightenment is about our creative ability and transformation is about our creative power. In many ways transformation is a by product of awakening. Once we awaken, we can’t go back to the old way of living. We know and it is painful to return to a state of being and/or a way of living that no longer serves us. The only way we can go back is to go to sleep and many do.

Doorway to transformation

A corollary to sex being a doorway to create life sex can be the doorway to transformation of our existing life. Often transformation of an existing creation is much more difficult that creating a new creation. We all have many attachments to our current life and current way of being in the world. These attachments keep us bound to the past. Sexuality, because it is such a powerful way to take us out of mind and into what we feel, we can use it to break the bind of the past a recreate our life. By following the lead of the feminine in what we feel to flow with the energy, we become open to powerful awakening, enlightening and transformative powers within our sexuality.

Sexual intimacy with someone causes the energies of each to mix more intensely. Energetically, we become a part of them and they become a part of us. This then controls our creative life energy in two ways. One way is we take on a part of them. The part of them which we take on may or many not free our energy to create what we desire. They may simply act as a parasite sucking our energy rather than allowing the creative energy to freely flow into our desired creation. To aid our transformation relative to freeing our energy, our sexual experiences should be an expanding experience for both participants.

Relative to an energy consciousness perspective, we can look at the mixing which occurs in sexuality as us taking on a part of the other person’s energy as in the last paragraph. Or, we can simply see it as consciousness creating an experience to awaken consciousness such that each awakens an aspect of consciousness in the other that is currently asleep or dormant. That awakened consciousness now look like we absorbed or took on a part of the other’s energy. If we view the sexual experience simply as awakening part of our consciousness, the need for an expanding sexual experience is not as strong. However we need to be wiling to face the pain or dissatisfaction we feel and not allow that pain or dissatisfaction to put to sleep more consciousness than it awakens.

Either way we look at it is fine for the end result is the same. Similarly, this awaken consciousness can be experienced as a new life within us. Here gain, how we view it is our choice.

Most of us are unaware of the transformative powers of sexuality until someone enters our life and causes us to change our life in some way as a result of our sexual attraction to them. Most often it is done nonconsciously rather than consciously. Most often we are unaware we are changing our life as a result of that sexual attraction. In fact, simply the desire for sex can cause us to transform to meet that desire in some way.

When it comes to sexuality and transforming our life, the key here is that in realization that our current partner is a reflection of our current internal state. When we are transforming our internal state will change and we will not hold onto our partner. Rather, we can be free to let them go realizing that in the end, we will have all that we need including future sexual partners. They then become free to accompany our transforming or go some other path.

In looking at the transformative powers of sexuality, we need to realize the individual who helps us transform will stay in our life if that is where their heart leads them to be. We need to realize each of us have an intention for our life and we cross the life path of many others. It is not uncommon for two individuals to have a very powerful transformative sexual interaction only to separate and go in different direction in life. Some judge this a being not good. However if we realize sex is about energy generation, impersonal as it may sound, such an interaction is really no different that a airplane refueling from a tanker or as a ship as sea refueling from a tanker. Once the plane or ship refuels, each go about their task maybe never seeing that particular tanker which refueled them again.

We need to realize in the wholeness and interconnected of Creation, the creative process allows us to be free to experience our life like the wind, "each individual that enters our life comes like the wind and leave like the wind completely free and unattached. Anything that we bring into our life is unmasked and unexpected fully savored and experienced in the moment." This is a much different way that most are accustomed to living. Nevertheless is it often required for transformation.

As a result of the attachments most form in a sexuality relationship and the baggage we carry around sex, very few people who truly understand the depth of transformation possible though sexuality. Few observe that the pleasures experienced in transformation are much different than that experienced in either procreation or recreation. In some ways we cannot be compared. In transformation, the energy which enthuses the body moves more us toward a whole body experience of sensuality.

Ways sexuality can be used to transform our life

There are several different ways that sexuality can be used for transformation. The simplest and most widely use form of sexuality is celibacy where one simply avoids it. In this case the understanding that drives the choice of celibacy is that the time, attention and energy one would devote to sexuality can be used for creating a detachment from the physical to achieve a more spiritual state. At one level of understanding this is true for sexuality does pull the focus of our attention and awareness into the physical. However, there is nothing wrong with sexuality causing us to focus our energy into the human physical experience and part of being human involves sex. Being human is the reason why we incarnated. However, sexuality exists to server and assist our purpose for incarnating in a variety of ways. To deny sexuality, suppress it, or control it without understanding it and the energy behind it, we only create a separation within our being from the very source of life within us that sustains us and which generates both an enthusiasm for life and for living and the desire to share and propagate the life within thought sexuality. Although celibacy may be necessary for a given period time so as to not mix our energy with anther, it cannot be sustained if we desire to have access the depth and breadth of our creative power or have the full range of transformative power available to us.

A second way is to attempt to use sexual as a tool for transformation is as it has been used in Tantra and similar esoteric and religious practices. Here we attempt to channel the sexual energy and it powerful emotional response into a spiritual manifestation through visualization, meditation, and other techniques through a focused attention and awareness into what we desire to create.

A third is through the physical intimacy that sexuality is capable of creating if one does not focus solely on the sex. Sexuality is the door way to both physical intimacy and awakening feelings of the body. By becoming physically intimate with another, at the deepest levels of our physicalness, the door is open to become both deeply intimate with the physicalness of our own body and at each and every level of our being. If we can move past making sexuality the end objective and make the physical intimacy the objective, sexual intimacy causes something else to happen. We can become intimate with the way the Source of Creation expresses Itself to access the creative power to transform ourselves.

Sexuality awakens the feelings of the body at its deepest levels. Coupled with the calmness it is capable of creating at all levels of being it will cause to surface the issues that are blocking the free flow of our creative life energy from the Source. Then when the memories surface, we are free to choose how we dissipate the energy locked in those memories or use the follow the energy to the Source. What we can experience is an expanded awareness brought on by the energy of the sexuality and use it to transform our life. What needs to be understood is we do not need to transform sexuality or the sexual energy. Rather we only need to move beyond the sexuality as the end point of sexual intimacy and look into the flow of energy and flow with the energy and see what it surfaces within ourselves and the other.

The fourth way to use sexuality as tool for transformation is to look deeply at why we feel sexual towards one person and not another. If our sexual drive was purely a mating response without any biological or enculturated and social preferences, any mate would do. Yet there are both biological and enculturated preferences. In exploring our preferences of our sexuality, we can come to understand that within the body and our genes is a unique sensing ability to carry on the evolutionary chain. But, more importantly we can come to understand there is an awareness in the body in what it feels such that our body does function like an antenna to sense energy. It is our genes which determine our unique sensing ability. We can then use this understanding in our life to sense energy. If we surrender to what we feel, we will find there is a specific type and kind of individual to whom we are drawn. If we look at the flow of energy within our being as pull the string on why it leads us one way and not another there is an understanding and tremendous enlightenment that can come with this process. Coupled with how our belief structure works we can transform our life in any given direction we choose.

A fifth way of transformation is realize as manifested energy consciousness we are capable of being free like the wind coming with no attachment and leaving with no attachments. This method is to move toward a belief structure and way of being where we are capable of being free like the wind. In this understanding, there is not a person on the face of the earth with whom you cannot passionately love. All that stands in the way of you passionately loving them is your own biases, judgments, opinions and preferences whet are hey biological or enculturated or something we hold onto that transcends any given lifetime. Here we only need to pick any person and go though the internal inventory as to why we cannot passionate love them and then remove the obstacle however appropriately done. As we work this process we will find the illusion of separation simply evaporates and we will see that is in fact true. In this awareness we are free to transform ourselves into whatever we wish.

A six way sexuality can be used is when the waters of life released in sexuality flow in such a way that we flush out our being. The intensity of the flow of energy which can arise in sexuality has a way of seemingly flushing out what does not serve us. The life giving energy can bring life to dead or inactive parts of our being. We can even can awaken memories and aspect of our being that origin in experiences before our current life that are influencing our current life. Whether or not we perceive them as being previous experiences of physical life that some would call past live or just experiences or of other realms of existence doesn’t matter. What needs to be understood is that when the waters of life flow in an overabundant way much like the energy and passion we can access in an intense passionate sexual experience, we can awaken parts of our being we never knew existed. In awakening those aspects and being aware of them, we then have the opportunity to transform them.

The flow of energy generated in sexuality can literally and figuratively shatters the cage in which we have held our creative spirit captive such that it becomes free to express itself. When an individual is free to engage in sexuality with a totally supportive partner who is looking to create freedom for the individual the flow of energy which is created can be seen to literally and figuratively flush out many past mind and body memories. This tends to occur when the sexuality turns into a spontaneous and innocent childlike play of discovery and exploration. However it is not something that can be controlled by mind. That is, we cannot enter sexuality with the expectation of creating this cleansing effect. But it is possible that we can create it for another. It is about being in such a safe and secure space and having the freedom to just be true to ourselves such that our creative spirit is totally free to flow however and wherever it needs to flow. It is then the most powerful transformations occur in sexuality or through sexuality. It is as thought an entire new life is created within us. No discussion file on this topic has been created because it is not something we can create. Rather it is something we must allow to happen. To create this possibility for another, consider becoming a rainmaker such that you become the occasion for the healing waters of life to bring nourishment to the parched inner landscape.

A seventh way to use sexuality for transformation is to use the fact that sexuality is a way to mix energy and awaken consciousness. Sexuality is about mixing energy and it is about consciousness awakening consciousness. When we mix energy and awaken our consciousness we will be transformed. We an use this understanding to determine how we transform by how we engage in sex and with whom. That is, we can engage in sex with a particular person to awaken their consciousness or our consciousness and/or transfer information and understanding or awaken our consciousness and/or gain information and understanding.

An eight way sexuality can be used is to remember the ideal way to manifest any thought is to calm ourselves and then consciously insert a thought into that calmness of being. For example, this process is goal of the "Pool of creation/Creation insertion exercise." However as revealed in the "Dream mediation on sexuality," we can use the sexual experience to create the calmness and insert our desired thought for transformation.

Because the body stores memories, the body itself hold the thoughts and feelings we carry when the body is imprinted with any strong feelings such a the sexual experience. The feelings in turn get internalized in the body or the body forms itself in a way that the memory and feeling is entwined within body structure. If the sex allows us to grow and expand our being, our body will engage and align itself in a way that supports life and allows us to grow and expand in life around the thought which is inserted. In this regard, the sexual energy can be seen as both a healing energy, restoring health and life to parts of the body that may have been otherwise low on life and energy, and a transformational energy.

A ninth way is to use sex as a tool for transformation is to realize that sex is a vehicle for the death of the ego in some way. As discussed in the topics "Sex is an experience of death" there is always a death in sex in some way to create the life that comes with sex. As such sex can be used as a vehicle for death. Using sex as a vehicle for death is about using the transformation properties of sex. Given the amount of personal, family and social conditioning around or on sexuality, sex becomes a very powerful vehicle to experience the death of our ego. Any  “not doing” practice is a powerful way to step out of mind and outside our enculturated ego to transform ourselves to change our perspective on or about life and/or create a new way to experience life. Given all the taboos about sex and all the beliefs and baggage we carry about sex engaging in sex more as metatheater and not doing exercise is a way to choose to break free. It is to choose to destroy the ego as we come to know it. However, to use sex in this fashion, we need to become very clear as to our real intention. We need to pull the string to see exactly what we seek.

An observation

Within the human physical experience, it is not uncommon for two individual to be involved in a short sexual relationship that many would call an affair. However, it has been observed from a creativity perspective and holding our creativity sacred that often these affairs are not about meeting a biological demand nor about an attempt to bring a little fun, life and excitement into an otherwise dull and boring life. Rather they are a about bringing a flow of energy into the life of one individual or both to create a new life. It is not uncommon they occur near mid life much like a mid life course correction to the life which have been lived.

Sex is about creating life. If we are sex starved, our creative life energy cannot flow to free within our being to create life. It has been observed that if when some individuals create the space and allows their sexuality to flow, such that they have a few very intense sexual sessions over a period as short as a weekend to maybe a few months there is a tremendous change in their being, their outlook and what they attempt to do in life changes radically. Some would call this an affair. But it really a refueling of life to create or recreate a life.

The sexuality actually stops or arrests after these sessions. It is as thought once the body and our being is satisfied to create life or be in a state of creating life, the sexuality falls off and the person goes on with a new course in life. To achieve this, we need a passionate sexual partner for this time period. But we cannot form attachments as to continuing the sexuality after the need is meet. Otherwise the relationship becomes binding and restricting on the individual’s life.

This does not mean they individuals cannot stay together and form a lasting relationship sexual or otherwise. Rather, it is about understanding that when one is suddenly overtaken with the desire for a sexual relationship in an otherwise normal life, the feelings are not about sex. Rather they are about transforming the existing life into something new.

The partner is very important and it usually is not just anybody for the energy of both combine in a way to create both a particular type and kind of space and an energetic child in the unseen realms. The child is the manifestation of the dream and the longing which brought the two individuals together in the first place. It is the deep passionate longing of the heart for a new life which creates the unseen children. This is especially true when the sexuality is outside of official and formal contracts such as marriage.

In cases were one engages sexually because of the obligation or duty, or because the other partner is the socially accepted approved outlet for sexuality, the longing is lost. However, when two partners long for each other and the sexuality results from that deep longing, a child is created that fulfills that longing. There can be a physical child but more importantly there is a energetic child or unseen child that creates a new way of living and being in the world because of that encounter. This new way of being may take a physical manifestation as to how we or the other person changes our life.

What needs to be understood is creation/Creation is created through desire. The longing in the heart for fulfillment is a desire. That desire must be filled or a vacuum exists in both the person and the universe. If that vacuum is not filled with life it will be filled with something which challenges us to become more creative like a accident, illness or disease. However, to fulfill the longing we must act according to the longing and the flow of energy which creates it and not according to society or the way we think we should act.

Related topics
Moving past sex
A bottom line about sex and our creativity
Sensual experience beyond sex

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