Fear of leaving loved ones behind 

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2008 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

 
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Fear of leaving loved ones behind is really the reverse of a form of the fear of abandonment and not being loved. Although creation/Creation is not done alone and we need the other in our life to give us the experiences we desire to have, we need to realize the other is just like us. That is, they are an infinitely creative being capable of expanding their awareness to create whatever they desire. They are fully capable of finding satisfaction with or without us. But, we cannot allow them to cause us to deny our truth and what we need to do in, and with, our life.

This fear is extremely successfully perpetrated and maintained by the enculturated way of living. Contrary to the popular belief, in general, the our tribe, organization, or society does not care about our survival or our growth. The tribe/organization/society only worries about its survival. The tribe/organization/society can be as small as two people together or a mass of millions of people. The whole concept of tribe and society is an overmind or collective living and doing what it needs to do to survive. Any individual component of the tribe is thought to be expendable for the good of the whole.

People ask why we can mass armies and go to war with our neighbor. It is very simple. We are serving an overmind and its ego and don’t even know it. We think we have to die to demonstrate love to another, but we die only to preserve and allow our tribe to survive and we play this out over and over again, physically, mentally , emotionally and spiritually, every day. The sad thing is we usually don’t realize it. Staying put because we "love" someone or something is not preserving that love. Rather, it is actually destroying it. To truly love a creation, including ourselves, we must give to the true needs of the creation. To remain attached to that which must change and evolve only destroys that which is being held and who or what is holding for neither will become all they can be.

For example, for years people were taught it is good to go to war and defend the society in which they live. It is considered honorable probably in all societies to die for that which we love. To die for a cause or for another is said to be the greatest love. Christ has even said this as the cornerstone to His teaching. So we mass armies that protect our way of living, which is judged to be good,. We say it is worth dying for that which we love. The interesting dilemma is that, if all those who do go and defend that which is so good, all get killed, what happens to that which they defend, of which they are an integral part? It dies! For they are that which they defend and if they die, it dies with them.

General George Patton is claimed to have said it best, "No poor bastard ever defended his country by dying for his country, he defends his country by making the other poor bastard die defending his country!" General Patton could never have said it better. Look at history. Rumi has said that war is a cleansing process and that is exactly what it is. It cleans out many who hold to a particular way of thinking.

When something reaches a point that it has to be fought over in any way - mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually, we have reached the point that something is being held onto that must die. If we can not let it die energetically, then it will have to undergo a physical death in someway. Usually accompanying such a death will be pain and there will be suffering. The harder we hold, the more pain and suffering there will be.

When people die for a cause, the cause dies with them. Look at the Southern cause of the American Civil War. So many of the men were killed that even if a stalemate was reached, the Southern way of living and cause would have died. The toll in men killed was too great a percentage of the society. Too many of those who were the embodiment of that cause had died. World War I is another example. An armistice was reached, but the ways of life before the war in all involved countries were completely shattered. Nothing really does survive the death of its parts. It can’t. To take away part of the whole makes the whole different. So, as each person dies, whether it be emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally, that which they die for, dies also. Something may continue to live, but it will be different. It is one of the strangest paradoxes. There is one and only one thing that needs to die and that is the enculturated ego, and we do not have to die physically to have the enculturated ego die.

Additionally the others in our life may be looking to us to lead the way. Whenever we wrestle with releasing our family, tribe, society, or whatever, there is a story we may want to consider. There was a man on a sinking passenger liner who comes to understand the boat is slowing seeking. In realizing this, the man gets in a row boat and at his own risk of being pulled down with the sinking ship urges the other passengers the boat is sinking. But he is not believed. If he was believed other passengers would get into the boat, but they don’t. Since no one else has come and told them the boat is sinking they do not believe the individual. The man in the boat leaves and go a safe distance away from the boat. The others will then see he is are safe and they will get in their own boat and follow when they realized the boat is sinking. Otherwise the man will be pulled down with the sinking ship. All the individual can do is row to where he is safe and sit as an example for others to follow. We must accept we will not be believed by our tribe until we are seen as safe.

So too our path in life. This is the biggest dilemma faced in understanding the fear of leaving loved ones behind. We may be in the lives of others to show them they their own freedom. We never abandon another nor not love another when we do what we need to do to become true to ourselves and live our truth Rather, we show them how to become true to themselves. If that which you are a part of must change, and it does have to change or we would not have the internal desire to move on to a new way of living, either trying to defend that which is, or waiting to bring others along, will destroy that which we so much seek to preserve. In denying what and who we are for the sake of a loved one or the love of the whole, we deny what we came to give and in doing so, deny the love that we seek to give and ultimately everyone is worse off. We can only truly give what we came to give by becoming who we are, even if it means leaving that which we love and seek to protect. It is only in doing so that others will see and can follow.

Related topics
Fear of becoming who we are

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