Protecting a creative spirit


A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2005 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

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As discussed in the topic “The time capsule - second mystical experience of memory” the author’s desired to play the violin at age four but was thwarted in that endeavor. Yet, there was the need to put the creative energy that desired to play the violin somewhere. He needed some way, some outlet for this creative energy to be expressed. The way the author found to express, protect and preserve his creative spirit such that no one could thwart its expression was through trains. The outlet of trains allowed him to keep is creative spirit safe for over forty years. It was almost as if he put it into a time capsule to be called out when the time was ready.

As was stated in the discussion “The Power to Observe” his first awareness of his ability to observe through time was essentially a result of trains. Living adjacent to railroad, with a second different railroad within eyesight, he started to watch and observe the trains and essentially become mesmerized by them when his brother received a model HO train set one Christmas. He simply took the passion for his life and put it into trains for safe keeping. This only became apparent in hindsight as he watched how his interest in trains shifted over the years and provided a profound awareness about his life shortly before the Ultimate Accident. However, as he journeyed through life, he did not realize what his interest in trains really represented.

His interest in trains was clearly established as a safe haven for his creativity and creative spirit by the time he was six or seven years old. He loved to watch them and he loved to play with them. It is curious that at this early age he was aware of both O gauge in the form of the Lionel and American Flyer and HO gauge. In fact he had both an O gauge and an HO gauge train set available in which to become interested. He chose the HO gauge because it looked more real and less like toys. Quite simply, HO represented model trains to him where as O gauge represented toys. He would say he want to model the world, he did not want to play with toys.

He remembered feeling even at this early age, the HO trains looked much more real than the O gauge. There was something about the detail and the looks of the HO gauge trains the appealed to him. For years he never understood exactly why he choose the HO gauge. Again, in hindsight, it was what was available artistically. The HO in its detail and the available scenery and structures was much more appealing to him artistically and what he could do with the model trains. The HO gauge offered a great depth and breath of creative expression that did the O gauge.

Initially, the interest in model trains something you did at Christmas time. Between one Christmas to another when his trains were not set up, we would watch the real trains as they went past his house. However, within a few years he was struggling with the family to find a place were he could put up a permanent train layout. Although the effort to gain a permanent train layout was somewhat successful he was entering high school and life intervened. The activities and demands of high school, college and the military kept him from rebuilding his layout. Yet, even in the military he was collecting trains when he could. In fact, it was being station on the opposite side of the Country that he begin to really see all the different types and kinds of railroading that was possible.

Being stationed on the opposite side of the country gave him the opportunity to gain a whole new perspective. It opened him up to what he never thought was possible. As a child, he tried to model the railroads around his hometown. As an adult in the military being exposed to other parts of the Country, he lost his preference for his hometown railroads and his interest broadened to almost any type of railroading. The railroads were only symbolic of something deeper which was occurring within the author. It was also at this time the author has his experience as a healer and began to look a deeper into the nature of Creation than what was provided by his “hometown” understanding about things.

What is intriguing about the trains was that for almost forty years the trains were his emotional “sink.” Trains was where he put is creative passion. It was where the dream of his heart resided. Trains had nothing to do with his job and the reality of his life. Trains were part of his childhood dream world and his childhood dream was protected and segmented from the rest of his life by, and through, the trains. He learned to live and function in the world of separation extremely well. He was extremely successful by all the criteria that we use to measure success.

However, he had a dream. That dream revealed itself in his desire of building a large, grand, magnificent layout with multiple trains, multiple cities. He dream was huge. It was as if he wanted to create and entire world unto itself with his trains. As a child, he never understood that he really couldn’t build such a layout - not because it wasn’t possible. Rather, for what he wanted, it is just that he would have needed others to help - it was just too big for one person. Yet, he always held that dream. As he went through life, he always kept that dream. He looked and thought about a way to build that layout. During the meantime, he collected trains. He collected model trains from all parts of the Country. He had representative cars and/or engines of most of the major railroads and most of the minor railroads. He didn’t want to leave anyone out. He wanted to encompass it all. He thought about building such a layout in retirement and figured he should collect all the trains and structures so he would have them when he retired. He did this for almost 40 years. In many ways that dream he carried was about something he did after retirement from his professional life as he understood it.

Then, two years before the Ultimate Accident, he had a “knowing.” He knew that he would not be able to buy any trains after October two years in the future. In some ways it panicked him. He did not know why but he just knew it. He perceived something was going to happen that trains would become unavailable. Given the way the world was going he assumed there was going to be some type of international disruption of commerce that would make the plastic resins used in the trains unaffordable. So he started to buy all those train items he always wanted but kept delayed in buying. Such action, of course, didn’t do much for the bank account he did obtain some really nice things.
The, two years later, when September 1995 came around, a month before his insight was to be fulfilled, he went and bought a load of lumber to start to actively building the framework for the train platform. He knew that after October something would change. He felt he had to start building the layout now if he really wanted to create it. He was looking to fulfill his childhood dream. He didn’t understand why he was doing this, but he knew it was somehow tied to his well being in the world that he knew.

What needs to be understood is that it was in August 1995 that his car burnt up on Interstate 70 as relayed in “A culmination in thinking and moving into action.” It was this same September that he set the intention to try and see if he could create a Critical Mass of Enlightenment Experiment. It was in December that he experienced the Ultimate Accident. In essence, the vehicle that he had chosen to protect his creativity and his creative spirit, the model trains, would no longer be a part of his life in the way it was. The dream that was fueling the desire to create a train layout was to be awakened and released into the world through the Ultimate Accident. His creativity would awaken and come out of its protective shell to unfold and grow into the world.

The fire which destroyed the his car, his vehicle, was only the depth and breadth of his creativity awakening. It is interesting to note this destruction occurred just after he became aware of the possibility he carried information that should be communicated. The interest to create a Critical Mass of Enlightenment Experiment was only the outward form of it germination. In many ways buying the lumber to build a train layout was in many ways metaphoric of cutting down the tree that had grow for forty years to make the violin. Events in September and October would forever change his life.

In addition to the author stepping out into his own creativity to see if he could build that Critical Mass of Enlightenment Experiment, he also step out into his own creativity another way. In October, he took a friend to meet with the individual who desired to create a mind body foundation and asked the author to become its Executive Director. It appeared that which the friend wanted to create compliment the mind body foundation. However, the individual who wanted to create the mind body foundation was not really interested in partnering with anyone else. They had their idea set on how things would work and what should be build. So when the friend’s desire was rejected, the author made an important decision relative to his own creativity.

Prior to taking the friend to the founder of the mind body foundation, the author looked to others to make things happen in the world. When the friend was rejected, the author decided the he could help them create what they desired. That was an important decision for the author relative to his own creative power. In that decision, he took back much that he given the external world. So in a very short time period, the author stepped into his internal creative power to create something from within his being and he stepped into his external power to make something happen external to his being without the need of others. He took creative responsibility both inward and outward.

These two decisions may look very trivial and to some very ordinary. Many readers may even say they take internal responsibility and external responsibility all that time and the author was finally growing up. Yet there was something more profound that was occurring that few every really do. The illusion of mind is that we make our own choices and decisions about life. However, most of the time we are choosing based on what others have given us, told us or what we expect from others. What occurred in the author’s life was a clear break with all external influences internally and externally.

Analogously, it is the way a modern ship shifts from shore power to internal power when it leaves port. While the ship is tied up at the pier, it will access shore power or get its electrical and energy needs met from shore. In this way maintenance can be done on the ships engines and generators because they are not needed to supply the electrical loads. However, when the ship shifts from shore power to internal power, it separate itself from dependence on the pier and is now free to sail the seven seas were the whim or intention leads. It can also be seen as cutting the umbilical cord when a child is born. When the cord is cut, the child is now in the world on its own separated from its mother.

So too the author in these two decisions. He separate himself from all that creatively sustained him all his life. To even conceive of the concept of critical mass of enlightenment and what it really meant required him to reject almost everything he was taught about being a human, the nature of Creation and the nature of God. To think that he could create the space for another’s dream to unfold in the world but without the assistance of the world was also a rejection of much of what he was taught. To do so required one to understand they had a power over the external world to create that safe space whatever it may be and whatever it looked liked. Yet, in making theses decision, the author become a creator unto himself and both accepted and claimed the birthright we all possess.

In essence, the author was choosing to hold his creativity sacred, not that of any other. He began to look for ways to partner with people were each is able to hold their creativity sacred and one does not need to compromise their truth. Yet it was to create something that effectively served each.

What he didn’t understand but would have to come to learn in time is that our external world is a reflection of our internal world. As his internal world shifted to accept and embrace his creative powers his external world would have to undergo a similar and parallel change. His then existing external world was built on an entirely different premise from what he was not adopting. His external world had to come crashing to the ground in all ways for him to make that transition from an external to an internal point of reference.

It is much like the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Could not put Humpty Dumpty together again

Quite simply, Humpty Dumpty had to do it himself. He could not look to another what he himself had to do. It took the author ten years to put the pieces of Humpty Dumpty back together again.

In essence the author sat on the wall between what is inner life called for doing and what his outer life called for doing in the world. When he began to awaken to the depth and breadth of his own creative power, he fell out of balance that he so long maintained and shattered all he knew. The shell of ego could not be put back together for the ego came from his identification with the external world. But as any seed which breaks out of its shell and germinates, an new life spring forth out of the past. So too the author. In essence the author become the proverbial phoenix. He had to destroy himself and rise again from the ashes.

Within the process of the phoenix is an understanding. Understanding the process can create a gentle phoenix for all those who those who desire to recreate themselves in some way. But it is one’s own creativity that will create that gentle phoenix. Yet it needs to be understood is that we have encapsulated our creativity in a shell to protect it. Much like the shell of a seed, until the shell is broken, the material within the seed cannot get out to create that that new life.

So how does one break that shell? It is to learn to transition creativity from an external point of reference to an internal point of reference. This is done by holding one’s creativity sacred. It is to learn to allow what is symbolized in the heart to lead one’s life and have mind attend to the details to make it safe to do so. But for most of us, that means giving ourselves permission to explore our own creativity to see what brings life into our being and what takes it away. Then follow what give us life for the same creative spirit which created our life, will lead our life. We find it and access it within our own being through feeling and what gives us a feeling of life and a passion for life and for living.

When the author was denied the instrument that would allow him to feel his passion for life, he found someplace else to protect that passion. His trains severed that purpose for about forty years. Then, after much exploration by mind as to how that passion could be express, it simply burst forth in the fire of creativity which consumed his life only for his life to rise out of the ashes in a new way, in a new form.

Although there is great diversity in humanity, we are all essentially the same. There is a creative spirit within each of us that desires to come out and express itself true to itself. The question is whether or not we do the exploration that will allow it to come out and cause what amounts to essentially a spontaneous combustion within our own creative power to rekindle the fire within our heart to recreate our life true to ourselves.

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