Journey of remembering and awakening 

Sexuality and it relation to creating

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2009 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

As a result of what was being found in the journey of exploration of creativity in the workplace, the journey evolved into a deeper journey into the exploration of our inherent creativity. But, accompanying this deeper journey of the exploration of inherent creativity, two other parallel journeys also arose as a result of what was found.

One was a journey to find an alternative way to live life given the number of successful but unhappy individual the author was encountering in his explorations of creativity and what was being learned about the inherent creativity each possessed. The results of that journey has been captured in the topics "An Alternative Way" and "An Alternative View."

The second parallel journey was to find a gentle phoenix. The gentle phoenix was based on the understanding of the mythical Phoenix. The Phoenix was a mythical bird with the ability to destroy itself by building a funeral pyre with its nest and immolating itself only to rise reborn out of the ashes. The Phoenix was a description of a human being’s ability to destroy their current mind and ego(the nest of phoenix) only to recreate themselves (rising from the ashes). Within that understanding an awareness arose that a gentle phoenix was possible whenever we desire to recreate ourselves or an aspect of ourselves. That is, a faster, easier and gentler way to transform oneself to access the depth and breadth of our inherent creative power to recreate our life to a life which better serves and create is a life worth living. In many ways the phoenix was an alternative view of the Ancient Egyptian sacred symbol the scarab and/or to manifest what it desires.

The scarab is a dung beetle that has the ability to transform the byproducts and waste of life into life. As scarabs we can take the byproducts/waste products of life, our memories and experiences, and create a new life from them. We are not bound by the past. However, we need to be able to let go of the past. We each have within ourselves a powerful ability to transform ourselves at will if we are willing to do the work to access the necessary level of creative ability and creative power to do so. It is here the awareness of the existence of a gentle phoenix to access that power became a journey unto itself.

Yet all three of the journeys which unfolded from the initial exploration of creativity in the workplace grew deeper and more encompassing. Each required accessing and following the deeper feelings which lied below and give rise to the body wisdom and intuitive guidance. The feelings and the awareness which lies in feeling grew as the exploration of creativity unfolded and the journey continued to go went deeper into the nature of our inherent creativity. These journeys were about accessing and remembering or awakening a long dormant ability. In this regard, the journey of the exploration of our inherent creativity was also a journey of remembering another way of being and/or awakening a long dormant inherent ability depending on how we choose to look at it.

It was a journey of remembering several things. One things was remembering how to access the awareness which lies in what we feel. A second was remembering who and what we are as creative beings and we are here with an intention for our life. There is a reason and purpose for us being here but we only access that reason through feeling. It was a journey about remembering the existence of our creative spirit, the need for creative play and about how we create through the focus of our attention and awareness.

It was a journey of awakening a long dormant inherent ability. That is, it was about awakening to our ability to feel and that feeling is another form of comprehension and communication much deeper and more profound that what mind can understand. The reason for this is this ability existed before our current mind developed and our current mind does not have that minimum set of experience to adequately characterize that ability unless one is willing to surrender and explore the realm of feelings and the unseen.

The journey of awakening was about awaking the body consciousness and the need to engage the body for the body is both an vehicle and an instrument. It is the vehicle for the human physical experience and is what gives us the experiences we desire to have. It is an instrument much like an antenna system in that it is a sensing device that perceives the flows of energy giving rise to Creation. In opening ourselves to what we feel by how we tune our mind as we would tune a radio receiver by how and what we think and believe we can access the awareness as to what gives rise to any given flow of energy and where that flow of energy is leading given the current environment. As discussed in the topic, "Working the triune self" it was working with what is called the lower self, the body and nonconscious aspects of our being that helped create the conditions for an experience of the Ultimate Accident and an experience of the Source of Creation.

Although we may not be aware of it, our body has a consciousness. It has a wisdom, an awareness and perceptions unto itself. As a result of this wisdom, awareness and perception, it has its own unique way of sensing or experiencing the energy of the environment in which it finds itself. The wisdom, awareness and perceptions provided by the body consciousness seems to exist separate from our mind. However, this perceived separation is only are result of the fact that they existed before our current mind as we know it and experience it came into existence and our mind does not readily acknowledge it. The reason for this is our mind finds it difficult explaining or characterizing something it has not experienced. As such, this consciousness, wisdom and awareness does not arise through the mind. It arises through feeling. Consequently, awakening the body consciousness is a journey to awaken to feeling and opening ourselves to feeling. It is about the awareness in what we feel, the awareness in the body and the deep feelings beyond sex and the feelings in sex. However, in opening ourselves to feeling, we must also face and deal with the pain of life which caused us to raise our pain threshold of what we feel.

In this regard, to access the deep feelings beyond sex, there was a facet about our inherent creativity that could not be access until sexuality was faced and explored. Then and only then could all the pieces relating to how we create our reality fell into place within the context of the experiences of our life. In fact, at the start of the journey to find an alternative way, it was stated in the discussion "An awareness about sexuality," sexuality arose as an issue. But, why it was an issue was unknown. At the time, the awareness of the connection between sexuality and our creativity was not expected to be an area needing to be explored. But, in the end, it really wasn’t the sexuality that needed to be explored but the deep feelings which arises in sexuality and the deep feelings and awareness beyond sexuality.

The reason why sexuality needed to explored was two fold. One was the need to learn to trust the awareness which lies in feeling and surrender to feelings to go wherever the feelings lead, including into sexuality. That is, if sexuality arises in a creative endeavor there is more to the sexuality and need to mix energies than what mind can understand. The second reason was the awareness which lied in the deep feelings beyond sexuality. These deep feeling are not accessible unless one is able to move past sex and not become captured by it, diverted by it or avoid it if it arises on one’s creative path. It needs to be remembered, the essence of sex is about mixing energy. If our creative endeavor requires an mixing of energy and awakening an our aspect of our nonconscious mind through sex and we are unwilling to surrender to were the flow of energy arising from our desired creation carries us, we will simply thwart our own desires and creative endeavor. Here is the need for a physical intimacy with the body to understand what it feels, how it feels and why if feels what it does when it does. In this regard, there is the need of assistance from another or others who are committed to move beyond the feeling of sex for the journey cannot be done alone.

Solving a puzzle - a personal note and journey of remembering

The following is an abbreviated description of the exploration of learning to access the awareness which lies in feeling that resulted in the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity material and understanding. In particular it talks about accessing the awareness which lies in feelings, the awareness of the body and the deep feelings beyond sexuality.

In many ways it is as much a journey of just surrendering through feeling to what life has to offer and living and experiencing life as life presents itself without the bias of mind as it was a journey of remembering who and what the essence of our being looks like. It is provided here among the topics on sexuality because it wasn’t till sexuality was faced and explored that all the pieces relating to how we create our reality fell into place within the context of the experiences of this life. In many was sexuality stand at the door way to accessing the depth and breadth of our creativity and breakout of the box in which we have placed our creativity more than our understanding and what we think and believe about God.

In the discussions such as, "In a box," "The box of creativity," and "Addressing the top and bottom of the box" we put our creativity in a box or cage of our own making. God and our beliefs and ideas about spirituality and the unseen realms create the top of the box. How we "plug" into Physical Creation involving our beliefs about who and what we are, our identity as a male or female and our sexuality create the bottom of the box. Our lack of freedom to move laterally in life are the sides of the box. Relative to the bottom of the box, sexuality and how we approach and use sexuality in our life tends to dominate the issue related to breaking out of the bottom of the box.

In hindsight, it was interesting to note, although body intimacy and subsequently sexuality were always related to the author’s understanding of play and creativity, it always seemed to be on the periphery of what was occurring. Its direct relationship to the experiences of creativity I was having and as to what was happening was not recognized for what it was and what it really meant. In this regard, this discussion is abbreviated in the sense that it addresses pulling the string on only one thread in a series of strings that were pulled to answer the deeper question about life. The question was "Is there a model of the universe, or a view of reality, where whatever one believes can be experienced as true, and if such a model existed, what did it look like?" The Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity understanding and material provides an answer to this question. It is not necessarily "the" answer but "an" answer.

In looking at awaking to the awareness which lies in feelings and awakening the body consciousness, each of us face a similar set of three issues in life. The first is the loss of one's ability to creatively play. That the lose of the ability to freely engage in spontaneous and innocent childlike play of discovery and exploration. The loss of this ability is so profound and widespread that it has give rise to the concepts of "original" sin and the associated concept that somehow the physical state of being is somehow less than the non physical state or spiritual state of being. The loss of the ability to creatively play gives rise to the belief when one is in the physical state we are somehow removed or separated from the Creator and our natural state of being. However, nothing is farther from the truth. In having such beliefs we lose the ability to experience Heaven, the Kingdom of God or Nirvana, whatever we desire to call it, here and now.

The second issue is learning to understand that we have a body and our body is an extremely important and misunderstood aspect of our being. At one level we are not our body for our body dies. But at another level of being, our body and it environment is a direct one to one mapping of our creative spirit, the energy of the energy consciousness that is us, directly into a physical expression. As such, our bodies and our creative spirit are entwined like the strands of the DNA Helix. Each strand is entwined and uniquely bonded at each and every step along the helix and each strand complements the other. Any separation between the strand or within the strands causes, or leads to, the a disruption in the function of the DNA Helix.

The third is that we each have a body that is sexual and sexuality, the separation of the masculine and feminine functions, plays a much greater role in Creation at each and every level of being that goes well beyond the physical aspect of sexuality in the procreation of children and the pleasure one may find in sex. Sex is embedded in the creative tension and it is the creative tension which is the fuel and energy source of Creation Itself. Without it there is no Creation for there is no creative tension of the opposites that causes the annihilation of the existing form to release the bound energy to create something new. Without out it there is only stagnation. To deny sex and sexuality, especially its overtones in any situation, is to deny the Creator and Creation. Rather it is something to be understood.

A personal reflection of the author on the journey

As I grew up in life, I very much believed what I was told about life. I was told and believed I started my life with my birth and I had no prior existence. It seems to make sense for that is the way all humans seemed to originate. I never experienced any human being entering life fully complete and grown. We all start out as that new born infant. The concept of an awareness within a human body that transcends time and place had no meaning other than we each had a spirit which could continue to life after our body died. I never questioned the origins of myself or the history I was taught about humanity, the earth, God or anything else. I just assumed the past was as I was told. I had no reason to doubt anything about what I was told until I had an experience. It was an experience that stood in contract to an experience I had almost twenty five years earlier.

Twenty five years earlier I was able to routinely create the conditions for what was called the rebirth of an individual’s spirit. One could see literally see a transformation in the individual. It was the release of a dynamic, playful spirit which caused some individuals to experience a healing of illness, wounds and other disfunctions. Some individuals even started to call me a healer. But, with such accolades, I stopped such practices for I had no desire to engage church or medical authorities as to what was happening, what I did or how I did it. But it was when I created the conditions for the release of what I come to call an individual’s creative spirit in a totally non spiritual, secular, and in some ways what some would call a profane context, that all that I was ever told and understood about Creation, being a human being, the past, and realm of the physical world and unseen world crumbled. In essentially a twinkling of an eye, I understood the literal truth of oneness and the existence of our creative spirit. The question of which I almost immediately became aware was, "Why is this creative spirit not free to unfold true to itself - why does it need to be reborn?"

Prior to this particular experience, the only thing that seemed to exist within my being that went against what I was told about life was that I enthusiastically embraced play and the discover and exploration of how the universe worked. I knew that at some level of my being I only came to play and the more I understood about how Creation worked, the more I understood the Creator. Yet the disconnect between the play that I sought and the way I was being taught to live life was not obvious to me. I accepted what I was told for that was the way things were perceived. But, in any case, I was always interesting in "why" things worked the way they did as opposed to any other way. I ever gave any consideration to asking why I was the way I was or why humanity was the way it was. I live within the bounds of acceptability and never challenged what was established and "known" by the establishment whether the family, society, religion or otherwise. It wasn’t until I become a manager and began looking for creative solutions to the problems that the organization for which I worked had to the I faced that things changed.

It was then I started to seriously ask the question, "Why did things work this was as opposed to any other especially when there were other options available?" I began to become aware of the stark contrast how two different organization doing the exact same thing could be so totally different in the way they did business. As a physicist I knew that the influences on a situation were what caused one outcome over another and to get a particular outcome you need to influence a given situation in very precise ways. So the intriguing question was what were the influences of an organization that causes the same outcome yet so many of the internal workings to get to that outcome could be so different. The deeper questions was, what was really causing such different organizational structures and methods of operation to get to the same output.

For the longest time, I was puzzled as to why individuals where not passionate about what they desired to create and what they were doing in life. There was always someone I met who seemed to have a great passion for what they did but in general, few displayed passion. Many seemed to be either walking zombies, dead to life and what they did, or their interests were totally outside of what they did and they only maintained sufficient focus to satisfy whatever was asked. As a manager I was especially and particularly puzzled why so many individuals seemed unable to think creativity and come up with creative solutions to the problems at hand. The solutions proposed were not original to the problem at hand but rather an application of a solution that works for someone else. Additionally, most individuals were frighten or unwilling to step out of the box to look at what was happening in a different way.

I began to explore creativity to find out why. How and way did people tend to lose their creativity or at least their ability to explore creative solutions. As I being to explore creativity, I was additionally puzzled by the stories and anecdotes I was hearing about how sexuality arose as an issue in creativity. I then became intrigued as to why some individuals did not feel sexual arousal and sexual passion in their creative endeavors where as others felt great passion. Some individuals became very sexually aroused when they entered their creativity where as other remained unchanged. When I asked the "authorities" on creativity about this issue they either pawned me off onto someone else or were unwilling to even discuss it. At best, they gave the standard social comments about sex and sexuality that completely evaded and avoided what was exactly happening.

So without any other available reference I begin to look back over my life and made some interesting observations. One was about authorities and the other was about physical intimacy and sexuality. Early in life I just assumed everyone "worked" basically the same way so I assumed that although humans were complicated, authorities, what ever their field of authority, knew and understood how human life and Creator worked and as they refined their understanding their accuracy would improve. Yet in studying creativity, I found the opposite to be true. People were not working the same way and the authorities didn’t really know as much as they would have you believe. They even knew less when it came to a particular individual. On the average they could be right but when you got down to what they really understood, they didn’t really know. They each has a model at to how reality worked and as long as that with which they worked with fit within their model, they did well. Whenever that with which they were working lied outside the model they were at a loss to as exactly what to do. It was extremely rare to find an individual in any field who knew how to construct a new model to encompass what they could not explain in their old model. The authorities too lacked the creative to see outside their own box.

Relative to physical intimacy and sexuality, as I remembered back on my own experiences I realized as a child physical intimacy and sexuality were the aspects most readily suppressed because of the world in which I grew up. I very quickly learned I was not allowed to explore the body. Although I did not realize it, as such it severely limited my creative abilities. Nevertheless, I have been very creative in life. Yet that creativity is only a small fraction of the abilities I possess. It was a creative that flowed from the mind rather than the heart and the essence of my being. The two were significantly different.

In any case, the connection between sexuality and creativity was the issue that caused me to really challenge what all the authorities really knew. Sexuality and/or physical intimacy had always been natural to me and inherent within my being especially when I was following my creative passion in a playful way. Although I did not always act on what I felt because of what I had come to believe about sexuality and physical intimacy, I assumed it was the way everyone worked [that is they felt a sexuality within their creativity] and I also could not understand why people did not feel sexual in their play in addition to their creativity. They seemed to play with a coldness and reservation in their creativity. Where were the feelings that accompanied the creativity energy which enthused ones’ being? As I began to remember, I realize there has always been a touch of physical intimacy within my play from my very earliest memories about play. Before I was sexually mature my play involved exploration of the body and feeling the body. The feeling in the body were very strong. It is interesting to note at this point in the journey of exploration of our inherent I didn’t think there may be some early conditioning in me about the body and feelings of the body which influenced my creativity. I didn’t consider my early experiences in life were related to the cause of what I felt as an adult in certain creative situations. At best I assumed acknowledging the feelings I had would only compound what I felt.

In any case as I shifted my perspective such that the study and exploration of creativity became an expression of my creativity, I felt the strongest creative passion I had experience to date. In that experience I began to piece things together. The puzzle seemed to become "Why did my most powerful creative endeavors when I was living life exactly the way I felt I should be living life contain such strong sexual feelings?" In time a deeper question emerged and it was "Why was I drawn to sexuality and exploration of the body as play or, rather, why did my play involve discovering and exploring why creativity was accompanied with sexuality - was I really that different or has this connection not been understood before?"

As I reviewed my life, I found the experiences that seem to indicate the true connection of sexuality and creativity occurred routinely in my life under very specific conditions and those conditions were predictable. What I found was that, when I took personal responsibility to create my life and live totally true to the truth of my being whatever it looked like within the conditions of life I found myself and threw away all that I had been lead to believe about how things had to be done and what the "authorities" said, the creative passion literally and figurative exploded within my being and I was enthused throughout my being including my sexuality. I would experience what could literally and figurative only be described as the "Big Bang" of Creation within my being to create a new life. The connection between sexuality and creativity them become obvious. It was about creating a new life in the universe and I felt somewhat foolish that I didn’t recognize it earlier for what it was. Sexuality is about creative life. But it is not about creating physical life as we know physical sex to do. It was literally about a new form of life in the universe. It only occurs when we live closer and closer to the truth of our being and the essence of our being. That is, we become that unique creation unlike any other creation in the universe. It occurred most powerfully whenever I chose to become the Phoenix within the totality of my being to recreate my life. The more I was engaged in creating a new life at any level of being, the greater the creative passion and the accompanying sexuality.

What I have come to find is that the essence of my begin is to be a creator and my play is creating. I am a creator. I love to create. Creating is my play. My passion is to understand the world in which I live. Then use that understanding to create new life with that world to transform that world. When I create that new life I am enthused in all parts of my being. What I also came to understand is that this ability never really left. I only "forgot" for one reason or another to use it and become it. What caused me to forget who and what I am was when I lived according to who my ego thought I was and what I had come to believe about the nature of the universe as a result of the programming and enculturation. It was when I stepped out of ego, to destroy that ego as the Phoenix. I then could, and would, experience the full creative power of the life within me. My spontaneous and innocent childlike play is exploration and discovery of the universe. As an adult, whenever I entered that state I was enthused throughout all my being and when I step into creating in that state it was only enhanced. It was here I realized that, sexuality is the second most powerful creative state and is responsible for creating life itself not necessarily a physical life. The most powerful creative state was the sexuality in that spontaneous and innocent childlike play. Hence, to be in my state of play is to be discovering and exploring Creation and to be sexually stimulated and enthused with the passion to create, including to create life an any level of reality.

I then had to ask the question, "Is this normal?" I experienced it more than once in my life and as an adult and I remembered the conditions that existed when I experienced it. The question then became "Why didn’t I experience it more often in my life and why were others not experiencing it?"

A way to understand why our ultimate essence may be the same
but the fruits of our life are so different

Here I was faced with a puzzle. An apple tree produces apples. A pear tree produces pears. Apples do not come from pear tree. The fruit of our being is reflective of our essence. The essence of our being is reflected in our fruits. We only need to look carefully at our lives and see our fruits to understand what is the essence of our being. Yet the true essence of our being is all the same for we all come from the same original materials. So if our deepest essence is the same, why are our fruits so different? What is the nature of reality that lies between the deepest essence of our being, that of being an aspect of the consciousness within, or behind, Creation of where we all are such an aspect and the fruits of our lives so different and so removed from same essence. What was the real magic of Creation that allowed this to be possible?

A way to understanding how this occurs is to analogously look at the way our body absorbs what it needs to live. The common thing we all do is eat, drink and breathe influencing our environment as we do so. We influence it by what we take in, by what we put out and by how we act on the energy we extract from what we eat, drink and breathe. How and what we do in that environment is what is different and that reflects what is inside ourselves. Yet, we each eat, drink and breathe the same materials but with different outcomes. So where do the differences arise?

The difference arises because of the membranes that we create to filter what we eat, breathe and drink and act. We create a penetrable barrier or membrane that exist between each layer of our being, between what we consider inside or out. We define what is in and what is out. This barrier acts as a filter between what we take in and what we don’t take in at every level of being and there is a slightly different barrier for each level of being. It is these barriers that we hold is what creates what we experience. To sustain Creation, energy of some type must flow across each of these barriers and it is our eating that fuels this process. It is this flow across the barrier that is really what defines the experience of life for the exchange that occurs at the barrier is where the give and take of creation occurs.

We eat food and this food is digested and separated within our being. Some of it we take into our blood as fuel and nutrients to sustain us the remainder is excreted. The blood then carries this fuel and nutrient to our cells where they rearrange the molecules of the fuel extracting energy and turning it into our bio-energy that animates our life. This bio-energy then become our thinking. We have many thoughts. Some of the thoughts we take and build into who and what we think we are and other thoughts we discard. Then within our belief structure some of these thoughts direct our life to allow us to feel the flow of our creative life energy within our heart. That is, flowing to manifest the experiences in our life. These feelings then become our experience and witness to life for they are life itself. But, we do not open ourselves to all that we can feel. Rather, we extract from all that we feel and sense feelings which we choose see and experience. What we allow ourselves to feel then become what we use to define who and what we are. Yet, what we feel that gives rise to our experiences is only energy. It can be said it allows us to feel. It is our Creator whether we realize it or not for it gives rise to what we see and experience. However, the entire process of what we do and do not allow ourselves to feel is the Creator, not just what we allow ourselves to feel. Yet, in the end, all that is experienced is all only the flow of energy. We only extract a small portion of the flow and call it "our experience." We are both the creator and the creation in each and every way and we all do it but it is the filter we create which defines who and what we are.

It is only because how we choose to respond and act in life to eat, breath and drink at each and every level of our being that is what makes the different. How and what we choose is based on our conscious and nonconscious beliefs, how those beliefs interact with each other and the habits we have created. It was when I chose to become the Phoenix and become the creator of my own reality and not live the reality I was enculturated to live and to create the safe and secure space to free the heart of another, that I experienced the essence of my being and who and what I was.

So I ask, "How did this all come about, how did I end up taking this journey to explore our inherent creativity and not another?" That of course took me back to review my study of creativity. Based on what I had come to understand about how we create by how we direct our thoughts, I unknowingly chose recreate myself. I set some very precise intentions. But, I didn’t understand the power of intention or how intentions work. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I set a sufficient number of intentions that allowed me to recreate my life. Why I began to see and experience life differently was a result of the intentions I had set for my life over a short period of about four months.

The most significant intentions that I set were two intention that allowed me to transcend the ego I had created in this lifetime. One creation was because of what I was experiencing in the people around me. That is, the lack of creativity within individuals and the individual being unable to be free to live true to the creative spirits they are. I decided there must be another way to live in this world other than the way we were taught and I needed to find it. The second intention that I set was to become unconditional love. I found it quite difficult to tolerate some individuals so I figured I needed to learn to become unconditional in my love so I could tolerate them. However, I found unconditional love to be something quite different that what I had expected to find. It was nothing like I was every taught or read in any literature. What was learned about unconditional love is to give exactly what the situation calls to give unconditionally no matter what it is and leave the result to destiny. And what is often called for to give is nothing that mind is capable of understanding or able to identify. It must come totally from one’s intuitive guidance and body wisdom completely outside of mind and totally from the heart.

Now only in hindsight, what is clear is that because of all of this, I became aware I am a creator. The creator of my own life and the world around me. I voluntarily chose to cut the connections with the past in all ways to create something new and unseen before. I had come to see that what I had been lead to believe about reality and our role in reality doesn’t really work to allow one’s true essence to freely emerge. The enthusiasm for life that is seen in a child is lost and individuals are not free to live their creative passion, the essence of their being. We have been taught to "make a living" rather than embracing the life they were are living.

What only became clear over time is that to be a creator is the essence our being both at the deepest levels of our being and the shallower levels that give us the pleasures in life. One will be most happy with an internal bliss and joy only when they are building and creating based on what they personally and freely choose to create. More importantly when one consciously begins to recreate their life, they are able to return to a state of spontaneous and innocent childlike play of exploration and discovery that they felt and experienced at the earliest ages within this life if they so choose In doing so, they will remember who and what they really are. If they don’t deny the body that return will be accompanied by a tremendous sexuality for one is literally and figuratively creating a new life.

Simply said, the fruits of our essence is creativity and creativity is our play. The fruit is not what we create but the creativity we use to create. To be the creator of one’s own life is to be in the most creative and playful state one can enter which will include a state of sexuality for sexuality is that second most powerful creative state available to humans. It creates life itself. So when one truly plays from the essence of their being, there will be a sexuality and it will happened again and again in life. To be the creator is to be sexual and to desire to create life at any and all levels of being. It is to be enthused with life and the desire to propagate that life.

I had been puzzled as to how and why others did not experience a similar sexuality. Now I understand. We have a state of play that can only be described as a mental state of play where play is limited to what the mind considers acceptable and will not challenge the ego and who and what it thinks it is. One may do creative things within this mental state of play. One may be creative. But the creativity is not the chosen expression of the essence of their being. It is only a spin off to achieve however they were taught and lead to play, or were told was acceptable play. The difference is playing at Creation Itself and becoming the Creator literally and figuratively becoming that God within as opposed to being creative to play. It was the difference of the play of the heart and the play of the mind. One is an end in itself, that is, the play of the heart, the play of the Creator at Creator. The other is a means to an end and is the play of the mind.

What I discovered was although it is the birthright and destiny for each human to become a conscious creator and we cannot, and will not, do so unless we choose to do so. We each are born into that state, we lose it and must consciously choose to regain it. The play of many is not accompanied by sexuality for they are not, or rather have chosen, not to be creator and allowed themselves to be enthused with their creative efforts. If they chose to become a creator and align the essence of their being to become a creator they too would be enthused with the passion of creativity throughout their being and find the sexual pull and urge to create a new life. However in becoming a creator, we have to surrender and sacrifice ourselves to our creation and allow a part, if not all, of our being to be annihilated to create our creation for each creation will have a life and/or an unfoldment of its own. To allow that creation to come into existence and survive, we will have to create the space in our life for it to exists. Hence a part of us must die and be sacrificed. If sexuality is present around what we create, then all our concepts about sexuality will also have to be sacrificed. To experience the unfoldment of our creation, we will have to surrender to that unfoldment whatever it require. We must align with the energy, not the sexuality.

Deep within the essence of our being, we each have choose to create a physical experience as a human being. As such, we have surrendered to that experience and the unfoldment of that experience. To deny what that experience provides we denies the experience and our own creation. We kill our the flow of our own creative life energy by diverting and scattering its flow. We all have to die in some way to create a new experience. We have to die to the freedom of the unbounded state of being which most call a spiritual state to experience physical life. Many of us feel trapped within our bodies and physical reality only because we are not aware that we have allowed ourselves to surrender to the physical experience and our life is only the unfoldment of that intention. Rather than align with the currents of life we try and swim against them. In surrendering to the current our lives will unfold within this plan that we ourselves set whether we willing choose to participate or not. Whether or not we realize what we are doing doesn’t matter for the experience of life we have choose will carry us through to its completion. When it is completed, we will die to create the space for a new set of experience that we again have choose because of what we have come to believe.

What needs to be understood is that our being and our mind are not compartmented as many would have us believe. We cannot suppress one part of one’s being without affect the total. So when one learn to deny the spontaneous and innocent childlike exploration and discovery as a child along with it with it went part of their creative abilities. Similarly when one denies or suppresses the body and physical intimacy including sexuality, again along with it goes their creativity. Even if one is allowed to engage sexually and/or in physical intimacy if it is a way that is not in alignment with the free flow of one’s creative life energy one’s creative ability will be suppressed. The sexuality will still curtail the creativity for the sexuality is not expressed freely with the flow of energy.

Nevertheless, one can be very creative in life for we do have an infinite creative ability. Yet the creativity most express is only a small fraction of the abilities we possess. Normally that creative that does exist is a creative that flowed from the mind and what is accept to one’s environment rather than flowing from the heart and the essence of one’s being. To access all one’s creative powers, one must embrace all of their being at all levels and all of the world, in all it forms, that one has chosen. One has to relearn to experience them in the freedom spontaneous and innocent childlike play of discovery and exploration and regain what one has lost. As one relearns to play, sexuality will been a part, if not a big part, of one’s work and their being for it is only part of the creative process and one does not exist without the other. Sometimes sexuality may only be a small portion, but it is nevertheless present in one’s creative acts for, as discussed in the topic, "Sexuality and the creative process," the essence of Creation is sexuality.

The understanding is that sexuality and what we feel sexually is a part of, and inherent to, the creative life energy as it flows into creation. Whether we feel sexually or not depends on what we desire to create. In fact, desiring to create physical sexual intimacy may or may not create sexual feelings. What creates the sexual feeling is where the creative life energy needs to flow to create what we desire and some times the sexual feeling arise around creative efforts that we never imagined could involve sexuality. Although sexuality can be used and experienced as pleasure, it is tool of creation and can be consciously used as tool for one’s creative efforts. Sex is a tool that can be used for procreation, recreation, creation, awakening and transformation, going to sleep and becoming unaware and as weapon of control and manipulation. However it will become extremely binding unless it is understood in the context of what we are trying to create and why, and if we are choosing to use sex as a creative tool, why we are using it. Sexuality is the second most powerful creative state, second only to sexuality coupled with spontaneous and innocent childlike play. Although it is only the second most creative state we have available to us yet it is also most damaging to our creative ability and quickest way to cause our creative abilities to shut down. In this regard, it is very much a two edge sword.

There is one additional note on this journey. What I now have come to understand is that when I set the intention all was instantaneous available in my nonconscious and would surface consciously if I followed my intuitive guidance and body wisdom. The vision of what needed to be done was instantaneously understood. However, it took eight six years to make the nonconscious understanding conscious to create the experiences to make it understandable to the conscious mind. And what was made conscious still did not tell all the story and give all the information that was instantaneously present. That took another five years to capture.

Related topics
Conscious (elective) journey into creativity
A bottom line about sex and our creativity
Sensual experience beyond sex

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