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When we move to access the
truth of our being,
we move into the
wholeness of our being. This causes many seemingly unrelated
aspects of our being to come together such that denial of one of
them, or how we use or don’t use one of them, influences what can be
done with the others. This discussion provides a starting for many
of these issues.
Intimacy, Meditation,
Creativity, Celibacy and Sexuality
Doing any deep internal
exploration as done in
meditation or for a
truly creative endeavor,
the issue of sexuality will eventually surface in one way or another
to one degree or another. The reason for this is two fold.
One reason is as discussed in the
topic "Why
Meditate." Going inside to explore our being is to become
intimate with our being in the most intimate of detail at
each and every level of our being. One aspect of our begin is
sexuality. If we are truly going to become intimate with ourselves
we will have to explore and become intimate with our own sexuality,
what it looks like at each and every level of our being and how
respond to it in and with our life.
The second reason is, holding any
intention for something we have not previously experienced,
including the intention for meditating is a
creative endeavor.
Sexuality is the second most creative state of being we can
enter and the
creative process has an inherent sexuality imbedded within
it. So it can be expected that sexuality will arise in some way to
either
create the energy needed for our creative endeavor or we
need to face an issue that is
blocking the free flow of our creative life energy and it deal
with sexuality in some way.
Unless we denies our body and what
we feel (or have felt), or we are sexuality dysfunctional before
puberty, we will have to face the issue of sexuality. Sexuality
surfacing as an issue to be faced is true simply because
sexuality is part of what it means to be human. If sexuality
does not come up in our
meditation,
the exploration of
our
true nature in some way, and/or whenever we are involved
with others, we are probably denying the body and/or what we feel.
The reason for this is sexuality plays an extremely important part
in both Creation and in awakening our being.
Sexuality is the second
most powerful creative state of being that
we can enter. It is second only because the most powerful creative
state of being is sexuality in conjunction with spontaneous and
innocent
childlike play
of discovery and exploration. There are
several reasons related to
meditation as to
why sexuality is such a
powerful creative tool. One of the greatest is that sexuality, as compared to meditation or
any other activity, has the potential to probably be the most
powerful way of creating awareness of how and what we think and
believe.
It needs to be noted is that if we desire to become aware and awake
at every level of our being to either truly know ourselves and/or
understand Creation and the
creative process within Creation, we will have to learn to
understand the root of any sexual feelings or sexuality we feel. To
say sexuality is “only biological” and think we can dismissed it as part of the body and a part of our “lower”
nature which we need to transcend does a great injustice to both us
and the wisdom of Universe and its Creator. Doing so will only
hinder our awakening. If we deny it, it will become that last
obstacle to understanding what Creation is all about.
We must realize we cannot deny what is if we intend to become aware
and awake. To not deny what is really gives us only two options. One
is we can experience what is, as it is and never explore the
experience we have. That of course will leave us unaware. The other
is we can learn to experience what is, observe it as we experience
it, understand it and then choose to appropriately use, or not use,
what is based on the understanding we have gained.
Sexuality is
part of what is and a
part of us. We have it because it
serves a
role that goes well beyond biological reproduction. To deny
it means we deny a part of ourselves and we deny the wisdom of the
Creator that created us as we are.
The problem with understanding sexuality is two fold. One is that we
need another to truly understand our sexuality and how we response
to it. The second is that it seems that we are not always free to
choose the person who causes the greatest sexual response that we
feel. The issue is not whether we do or do not engage in sex with
that other person. The issue is whether or not we become aware of
what we are thinking, feeling and experiencing because of the
sexuality and whether or not we become aware of what our sexuality
is really communicating to us and the role it is serving. The
question that begs to get answered whenever there is a sexual
feeling is, “Why is this person or situation sexually stimulating
and not another?”
A second deeper question that can be asked is, “From where does this
sexual feeling arise, does it appear biological or something that
lies beyond the biology?” It needs to be understood that
smell is
one of the greatest biological triggers for sexuality. If we have
become
intimate with ourselves to develop our sense of smell and the
smell between us and another is not somehow masked, for example by
competing odors, and our sexuality is not being triggered by smell,
then from where is the feeling of sexuality arising? If we know how
to become intimate with ourselves and the thoughts and feelings we
have, sexuality can be used to bring us into awareness of the world
that exists beyond our
ego faster than any other method we have
available to us. In fact, there are traditions and
schools of
thought that embrace the use of
sexuality as a tool for
enlightenment. How successful they are is of course a matter of
debate and many only foster the
illusion of mind.
The real issue in sexuality relative to
meditation, exploring
our
true nature, and/or one’s creative efforts is whether or not we
become aware of the thoughts we have and why we have the thoughts
that we do. It needs to be recognized, there is not a person on the
face of the earth that we could not passionately learn to
love and
may even find sexually enticing. The only thing that stands in the
way is our
mind and what we think and believe. Although there are
biological preferences, these can be overcome if we choose. So the
question, along with a few of its variations, is, ”Why do we choose
one over another - Why do we have an attraction of one over another
- Why do we have feelings for one over another?
To answer these questions, we will have to become
intimate with
ourselves. We will have to become very intimate with ourselves in a
way we have never been intimate. If we explore this intimacy within
ourselves and look at what we find, we will not know if it is true.
Remember the nature of sexuality requires another. What we will find
is that if we don’t share the intimacy we think we have discovered
with another (and that doesn’t means you have to have sex with them)
we will find our
mind has created an illusion as to what you really
think and believe. We will have to find someone with whom we can
trust to share what we think we have discovered about ourselves.
If we allow them to
pull the string and to ask
is to see the “Why?”
behind what we say, what we will find is that our
mind has created an illusion. We will not be able to see through the illusion because
it is what we are using to filter what we think we have discovered.
Here again, there is
not a person on the face of the earth with whom
we cannot learn to love passionately. Only our
mind ultimately
stands in the way.
Until we can see the truth of this statement, we will never get past
the
illusion of mind. On this note, if we allow ourselves to
love
someone at any level of our being to whom we are not naturally
drawn a part of us will die, and we can and will experience a
death
within our being. The deeper and more passionately we allow
ourselves to love, the greater the death destruction of our own
mind. If we truly wish to destroy our
ego, and we are willing to
“put our money (our creative life energy) where our mouth is,” then
choose an individual, a real person, to whom we are not naturally
drawn and start learning to love them and allow ourselves to die.
And when we have learned to love them, move on to another, and
another. We will find such a journey quite enlightening.
To bridge the gap between the inner world of our thinking and outer
world of the experience we have, we will have to be
intimate both in
our inner world and outer world at each an every level of our being
(spiritual, mental, emotional and physical). Then in that intimacy
understand
how the inner and outer are interconnected and a
reflection of each other.
Here it needs to be emphasized and clearly understood that intimacy
and to be
intimate with another to bridge this gap does not
necessarily mean one has sex with another. We can, but it is not a
requirement of intimacy. In fact, because many people have never
been intimate with another other than during sex and many don’t
really know how to be intimate with themselves or another. Many will
most likely have to step aside sex in order to become intimate at
each and every level of their being. Some, if not many, may find the
need to become
celibate yet at the same time become very intimate
with another about sexuality and/or about their sexuality.
From a
creativity perspective and meditative perspective,
celibacy
does not mean denying our sexuality in any way. Rather, celibacy
means not bringing any other’s energy into our space through sex.
There is a difference. It is hoped that we will come to see and
understand this difference as we become
intimate with ourselves
thought mindfulness and awareness. If we explore sexuality, we will
come to see it is nature’s way of mixing energy - stirring up the
pot so to speak - to cause new and different forms to be created and
survive. It is a way to ensure the future is not a repeat of the
past. To be celibate and yet become intimate about sexuality means
to explore the nature of energy and the nature of our sexual energy
within ourselves before one attempts to mix their energy with
another.
In any case, during or after one engages in
meditation and/or the
exploration of
our
true nature, it is most probable that we will
return to the mundane affairs of life in some way. Few individuals
move to totally separate themselves from life. Even monks and nuns
usually have to attend to the affairs of preparing and eating food.
In returning to the world, there is an issue that will have to be
faced and that is whether or not we should become
celibate or allow
themselves to be sexual. The more aware and mindful we becomes and
the deeper we go into an exploration of our true nature the more and
more important this question becomes both for us as an individual
and Creation itself. On this note, it doesn’t matter whether we are
capable of being physically functional in sex or not, and/or if we
are fertile or not. The issue is related to the energy that flows in
and during the
creative process of sexuality and the body sensations
related to sexuality. The two (the flow of energy and the body
sensations) are related but actually separate. Most people confuse
the two and, as such, get wrapped up in sex and end up creating
experiences in their life having no idea where the experiences have
come from.
It has been said that
meditation is a creative tool and is a
powerful focus of our attention and awareness. The power of
meditation as a creative tool lies in the fact that it does focus
our attention and awareness. One of the greatest side benefits of
meditation is its ability to calm the individual. That calmness then
opens the door for us to become mindful and aware of our thoughts
and/or become aware of what thoughts we do or do not choose to
act upon. As we live more and more in a calm state of being while
being mindful and aware of our thoughts, we become more and more
powerful in how and what we can create. All that we need to do is to
choose to create.
What needs to be emphasized here is that we can choose to create
consciously and/or
nonconsciously. To go to a calm and peaceful
place consciously inserting no thought into this calmness so that it
is not disturbed does not mean we are not creating nonconsciously.
It is within the
Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity understanding
that we do create nonconsciously. The goal is to, become consciously
aware of what we choose, both consciously and nonconsciously, to
create and when we are choosing either consciously or
nonconsciously.
Many meditators keep, or move towards, some form of isolation to
create that calm state of being. The isolation helps to keep
disruptive energies from interfering with their calmness and what
they desire to create by the intention they have set for their
meditation. More advanced meditators can move to deep meditative
states in energetically noisy environments but nevertheless an
energetically noisy environment does tend to make meditation more
and more difficult. It is not by accidents meditators prefer a quiet
and calm environment, if not isolation, for their meditation. Yet,
as discussed in the “Pool of creation /Creation meditation
exercises” there is an inherent calmness in creating
In regards to isolating oneself from disrupting energy, many
traditional
meditation practices recommend, if not encourage
celibacy. Normally something is said equivalent to “If you are
serious about devoting your life to meditation (God, or whatever)
you will devote your whole life to it and not allow your self to be
distracted by the duties of, or related to, being a householder.”
However, the issue isn’t what we do for we can be in a meditative
state and/or hold a
single point focus in whatever you do. The issue
is whether or not we can keep our focus and free of disruptive
energies from diverting us. Isolating oneself to meditate does not
encourage us to be present in disruptive energy and still remain
focus. It is a skill that must be practiced and learned.
This brings up the primary issue of sexuality, its relation to
meditation and becoming mindful and aware, for it is not about being
sexual or not. It is about maintaining the focus of our attention
and awareness and not becoming distracted from what we desire to
create. Whether we realize it or not, from a
creativity perspective,
sex and the corresponding sexuality is extremely powerful at
focusing and directing your attention and awareness and
correspondingly distracting you from everything else. If we are not
mindful and aware most of it power of sexuality lies in the
nonconscious and focus our attention and awareness in ways we do not
understand.
In this regard, sexuality can be the most powerful creative tool we
can use or the greatest distraction we will ever encounter in our
life. It need to be emphasized and remembered that Sexuality is the
second
most powerful creative state of being that
we can enter. It
is second only because the most powerful creative state of being is
sexuality in conjunction with spontaneous and innocent
childlike play
of discovery and exploration.
Its power as a creative tool goes
well beyond its ability to focus our attention and awareness.
As probably most of us know, one of the potential byproducts of
sexuality is a physical child if such a child can be conceived.
However, what is not understood, and not normally known, is that
there is always an offspring when two people are joined in great
passion whether that passion be
love or hate and whether they are of
the same sex or different sex. Sexuality, by its very nature, is
capable of causing passion to arise so when two individual are
involved sexually the passion will flow.
More important, the
function of sexuality is to mix energies and
there will always be a mixture of energy and a “transfer” of energy
when two people engage sexuality whether nor not one is, or is not,
entered in some fashion. Any arousal of sexual feelings no matter
how insignificant or significant as a mixing of energies and, if
we
feel sexuality arise in us to any degree, it means there is a
mixing of energy at some level of our being. In essence what we
feel is what is inside us being stirred and mixed up.
If we wish, we can look at sexuality as a spectrum. At one extremely
is little mixing and little to no sexual feeling. At the other
extreme is significant mixing. The more we move into the sexuality,
the greater the mixing and the greater the potential an actual
exchange of energy. The question we need to ask ourselves is if the
desire to mix energies arise from our
mind or from beyond our mind
and the Universe itself. Often the universe desires the byproduct or
offspring of two people and the individuals are actually only tools
of the Universe.
Only our
intuitive
guidance and the feeling of the
fullness of being in our
heart will tell us how to best respond to any sexuality we
experience in the proper way. But to know whether the energy is
coming from our
ego,
our creative spirit or the Universe Itself, we
must ask ourselves and then look to see what answer we get. From a
creativity viewpoint and relative to awakening our awareness of what
is, our
mind will not be able to make the proper decision around
sexuality. It will almost always do what the ego wants and directs
the energy into ego gratification and ego desires. If we do not
routinely use our
internal compass and the fullness of being to guide
us every day in our life, it will not be available to us in
sexuality. To think our internal compass will be available when it
is not routinely used is to fool ourselves into thinking our heart
will guide us in our sexuality. Unless we have tamed the mind
before hand, and learn to use what is
symbolized in the heart every
day in our life, mind and the ego will always lead in sexuality.
This is why most of us will probably need to learn to become
celibate yet become
intimate in our sexuality with another as discussed in the
topic "What
moving past sexuality looks like" before we can use sexuality and engage in sexuality.
To understand sexuality, creativity,
meditation and exploring
our
true nature, it is recommended that we look at sexuality from three
different perspectives. The first is to see sexuality as a focusing
of our attention and awareness. Because of what you feel and what
arises in us, our attention and awareness is, as a minimum, drawn
simultaneously to both our body and the other person’s body. In this
regard, the focus of our attention and awareness on our body and the
body of our partner direct in energy into our body and theirs
causing both bodies to awaken to and with life and to a flow of
energy into the body. Many say that sexuality makes them feel alive
and this is true. However, if we are using sexuality to feel alive
means we have numbed ourselves to pain and we are actually using the
sexuality as an
addiction so as to not feel the pain of life. Here
it is extremely important to be mindful and aware to know if what
the sexuality draw us to feel is beyond the body and includes one or
more of the spiritual, mental and emotional aspects of our being. If
you are using sexuality to simply feel and/or to feel alive, you
have a problem.
On this point of being directed toward focusing on the body, it
needs to be realized that the there is an
intention for our life.
The body is the vehicle our
creative spirit chose as the vehicle to
fulfill this intention. By focusing on the body, we are also
focusing on the intention for our life. If one is aware and awake
during sexuality they can look into their own being and/or that of
their partner and get a glimmer if not see the intention for our
life or their life. To so one, one simply needs to go to the “heart”
of the matter. That is, to focus on what is
symbolized in our heart
or the heart of the other with the intention to see what is
motivating our/their life or what causes the
passion for life to
arise in out/their being.
The second is to look at sexuality
metaphorically as a mixing
process. By design it mixes the fundamental building blocks of
Creation. Physically, sexuality causes the DNA of the parents of any
offspring to become mixed. Nonphysically, sexuality causes the
energy, which includes the that thoughts, of the individuals to
become mixed in a similar and analogous way. The deeper the sexual
feeling, the deeper the desire to mix and exchange energies. Now the
question that always come up around sexuality is how does those
energies need to be mixed. Physical sexuality is not always the best
way to mix the energies that give rise to sexual feelings. Here
again our
intuitive
guidance and the feeling of the
fullness of being will
give us the most reliable advice as to how to act on what we feel as
opposed any idea of
mind. This topic is a book unto itself and all
that needs to be known here is that sexuality, to whatever degree we
engage in it with another will cause our energies to be mixed. That
mixture may have profound impact on our
creative
ability and creative power. Some of
these reason are discussed below.
The third aspect of sexuality is the sensations one feels in their
body. Whether we realizes it or not, the consciousness of
energy consciousness seeks to be in a
warm, fuzzy
place, a
safe and secure space. In this space our
creative spirit will feel complete calm and
nourishment. When we experiences this state our being (body and
consciousness) becomes quiet and relaxed and tension is released.
The human condition that comes closest to this feeling is the way a
loving mother holds her child to breast feed her infant and both the
child and mother are naked so that their flesh and feeling of
contact with the flesh and warmth provided by the body is maximized.
This sensation is what each consciousness, and each body, seeks. The
body seeks to be held in this nourishing fashion with optimum
tactile sensation.
It needs to be realized that
energy and consciousness are one and
the same and both the body and
consciousness seek the experience of feeling. Without awareness,
sexuality come closest to creating this state in the physical
condition. Whether or not one intends to create this state within in
the body or not in and/or during sexuality, the body will move
towards that state to one degree or another, usually more than less.
But what is created when the body is in this
warm
and fuzzy state is
the most fertile conditions possible to plant the seeds of Creation
in one’s consciousness. If one is free to fully be in the body and
feel this state of being and they are touched by someone who desires
to nurture them in the way a loving mother does, they will go to the
deepest states of calmness and quietness you can reach. In fact, it
will allow us to go well beyond what we can reach in
meditation or
any other “calming” practice. It does so because we will be engaging
our whole being at every level plus being actively engaged with the
outside universe, that is, being with and in contact with, the
person holding us or we are holding.
It is here the issues of sexuality arises in two ways. Since we is
capable of going to the deepest states of calmness at each an every
level of our being, we are in the most fertile conditions to plant
seeds of thought. We literally and symbolically go back to the
source/Source of
creation/Creation, the source/Source of Life. We
create that
pool of creation/Creation at each and every level of our
being without consciously realizing it. As a result, t he intention
you hold for engaging in sexuality and any
nonconscious intention
you carry are inserted into this most fertile state of being as are
the thoughts we are holding. Additionally, since we mix our energies
with our partner, we will be planting our intentions and thoughts in
their being and they will be planting theirs in ours. We each will
be entwining the essence of our being with each others. There will
be an offspring inside of each of us and between us that will grow
because we engaged in sexuality to one degree or another. Whether or
not that offspring materializes and goes into the world may actually
be anticlimactic. The process is inescapable and most of it occurs
at the nonconscious level. Hence the thoughts and intentions you
hold during any sexual encounter become very important to both you
and the other.
So if we desire to engage in sexuality with another, we will need to
ask ourselves “What am I thinking about?” Are we totally present to
what we are doing in every way or are we thinking about the past,
the future, or how the other will think about our performance or we
have finally gotten what we want? Are we resentful in some way or
totally free to enjoy the experience? Are we criticizing our partner
or judging our partner in some way? Whatever we are thinking, that
thought or rather that thinking, is being reinforced by the energy
of the sexuality and we are planting the seeds of our thinking in our
being and into the other who is with us. The seeds in turn will grow
and bear fruit
If our thoughts are anywhere other than being fully present to what
is occurring, we are planting seeds of separation for we are
separate from the experience we are having. If we are totally
present we are learning to be present to what is, as it is, we are
planting seeds of being fully present in the moment and those seeds
will unfold in the future. In this regard,
love making can be a very
powerful meditative or “yogic” type action that allow us to train
your being to be fully present in the moment and become mindful and
aware of what we are feeling and sensing. Since it can be such a
pleasurable act, the pleasure can help to catalyze the efforts to
become mindful as opposed to some disciplinary type action typical of
most yogic efforts. On this same note, since it is pleasurable it
can become extremely addictive and take us away from what we desire.
What this means is that after engaging in sexuality we will have
exchanged energy. As a minimum our
mind will know we have exchanged
the energy of the experience. However, there is an enormous amount
of exchange that has been communicated to each other
nonconsciously.
That energy is now within our being and it will wreak havoc within
our being. We will be changed. We will be different. It is
guaranteed.
The havoc sexuality wreaks may be good, may be bad. It depends on
how we have defined ourselves and how and what we believe. It also
depends on the person we are with and how and what they believe.
Relative to the awareness of our own being, we will now have to deal
with the new energy within our being and it may or may not support
our
creative endeavors and what we desire to create with, and in,
our life. We may find it sets us back months or catapults us ahead
years.
On this note, we can
awaken some one sexually and we can plant the
seed within their being to be awaken because of our intention and
how we hold our thoughts. However if we think we are going to awaken
them by engaging sexually and that either we or the sex will awaken
them, we will be acting out of
ego and will destroy ourselves for we
will be reinforcing the ego. Only they, themselves, in becoming
mindful and aware of what they are experiencing, will awaken
themselves. But we an create the space for that to happen by doing
our own internal work to have the presence within our being for it
to happen.
The issues of sexuality introduced here are well beyond the scope of
a single discussion. The
Creative Sexuality web site addresses some
of the issues and concepts introduced in this discussion. What needs
to be understood at this time is that if we engage in sexuality in
any form, we will be exchanging and mixing energy at both the
conscious and
nonconscious level. That exchange will disrupt our
life and our
creative endeavors in some way. We are free to do what
we wish. We may be lead to be temporarily
celibate if not
permanently. In fact, it is almost guaranteed, there will be a
period where we have to become celibate to become
intimate with
ourselves and what you understand about sexuality without cluttering
ourselves with another perception of sexuality.
Sex and sexuality is a beast we each will have to face ourselves and
come to understand what it really means for us. Then we need to face
the possibility that whatever we believe about the topic will be
disrupted by the Universe itself. What we may find is that as we
touch the deeper layers of reality, we are asked by the Universe to
love someone who our
ego does not desire. Whether or not that love
causes us to move into the realm of sexuality depends on what the
Universe desires to create. Only we can be the judge of what we do
and do not do. There are no judgment from the outside or from
the
consciousness within, or behind, Creation, on what we do
but there are consequences and in any case, as a minimum, we will
have to be willing to live with the offspring that grow inside of
us, and maybe even outside of us, because of the exchange of energy.
In all cases, whatever we choose to do, it is recommended we learn
to use our
internal compass and navigate from what is
symbolized in our heart. We learn to use the feeling of the
fullness of being as an
internal compass and allow it to lead you through the maze that
sexuality will cause in our life. We must look to see if what we do
causes us to expand within our being and move past the
ego we have
created. We may even move to the point of causing the ego to die and
destroy itself only to
become the phoenix. Or do we find ourselves shrinking, withdrawing,
being drained, left empty and unfulfilled. If we are honest with
ourselves, we will know what is correct and not correct for
us.
Related topics
Second most creative state
Creative conditions of sexuality
Creative Sexuality
A bottom line about sex and our creativity
Sensual experience beyond sex
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